"More so than usual," Joe Hills muttered under his breath.
"Oh, come on," Fundy protested. "You've all heard that annoying song, right? It's from Welcome to Camp Half-Blood."
Nobody responded.
"The orientation film," Fundy added.
We shared a group shrug.
Fundy groaned. "You mean I just sang in public and... I'm the only one who's ever seen that stupid film?"
"So far, anyways," said Skeppy Stoll. He leaned forward, a mischevious glint in his eyes. "Where, exactly, did you see this cinematic masterpiece?"
"Chiron's office in the Community House," Fundy replied. Skeppy pushed back from the table and stood up.
"Where are you going?" 5up asked.
"Chiron's office in the Community House."
Technoblade Minecraft- my awesome boyfriend, a son of Athena- frowned suspiciously. "Skeppy... Chiron's office is locked."
"Is it?" Skeppy laced his fingers together and cracked his knuckles. "We'll see about that." He turned to Scar, the Disney obsessed eight-year-old son of Hephaestus. "Wanna come with? I might need help with the projector."
"A projectile! Yes!" Scar pumped his fist.
"A projector," Skeppy corrected. "And you can't make it do anything but show the movie. No exploding upgrades. No turning it into a killer robot."
"Aww..." Scar scowled in disappointment, but he followed Skeppy to the Community House.
I glanced at Fundy. "Now look what you've started."
He snorted. "What do you want me to do- stop them?"
"Stop them?" I grinned. "Nah, man. I think we should get some popcorn ready."
An hour later, we gathered in the amphitheater to watch Welcome to Camp Half-Blood. Skeppy and Scar had successfully set up the screen and projector without any killer-robot-exploding mishaps, which I appreciated. I figured the movie would be a typical orientation flick- a monotone voiceover, a tour of the campgrounds; happy demigods going about their business, trying to pretend the cameras didn't exist. Then the opening credits rolled.
"Uh-oh," 5up muttered. "This is going to be... interesting."
It turned out the creative genius behind the movie was 5's dad- the god Apollo, which meant this was not going to be a typical orientation flick. No, as we soon found out, Apollo had written, directed, produced, hosted, and starred in... a variety show.
For those of you who don't know what a variety show is, imagine a talent show on steroids, complete with canned laughter, prerecorded applause, and an extra-large helping of hokeyness. For the next hour, we cringe-watched as Apollo and our demigod predecessors performed in song and dance numbers, recited poetry, acted in comedy sketches, and harmonized in a music group called the Lyre Choir. Naturally, Apollo featured prominently in most of the acts. The one of him Hula-Hooping shirtless while satyrs capered around with long rainbow ribbons on sticks... you can't unsee that kind of thing. I'm seriously considering asking Hera to purge it from my memory.
(Okay, not really. I am not going through that again.)
Still, I get what Apollo was going for. Each number highlighted something important about Camp Half-Blood- the cabins, the training arenas, the Community House, etc etc. The trouble is, Apollo didn't seem to know much about the camp. According to Stress Diaz's assessment of the hairstyles and fashions, the movie dated from the 1950's, so maybe the film accurately depicted what the camp was like back then. If so, yikes. Take it from me: a lot has changed in sixty years.
That's where Camp Half-Blood Confidential comes in. After seeing Apollo's film, we decided we really needed to take action. We had to offer our incoming demigods something better for orientation. And so- BOOM. You hold in your hands the definitive guide to life here at our beloved Greek demigod training facility. It's written for demigods by demigods, which means you get the inside, behind-the-scenes scoop on just about everything. You'll get the lay of the land, too, thanks to descriptions of sites written by Pete, a geyser god with a flair for selling it like it is. Oh, the stories we'll tell and the secrets you'll learn... though I promise you, I will not sing and dance with a Hula-Hoop.
One last thing: we wouldn't dream of completely depriving you of the Welcome to Camp Half-Blood movie experience. So we've included some choice exerpts from the film throughout the book- annotated by yours truly. Enjoy the show! (Cue maniacal laughter.)
Prologue
Start from the beginning
