Letters to Elif

The November Letters

Bora pulled himself into a sitting position and shuffled back until he was comfortably leaning on the headboard. He placed the two letters he read, both once again neatly folded and securely in their envelopes, to the right of him. He reached for the next letter. Judging by the stack he would guess there were around 20ish left.

Once Bora had read threw a few more he found that Ada's tone shifted slightly in the letters from November. She was more conversational, chatting with Elif about her week, asking Elif how she was getting on. She barely mentioned Istanbul or Bora, unless she was responding to something Elif had brought. Every letter still had apologies laced through them but Bora got the sense that Ada had decided to not to dwell on the past and he was unsure how this made him feel. Had she really moved on so quickly? How was that even possible? It had been five and a half months and he was still living in the past. He still dreamt over her. He ran through every conversation they had before falling asleep. If Ada could so easily move on from their past Bora wanted to know how. If she had managed to move past it, honestly he was jealous. He wished he could push their past to the back of his mind so easily. He might actually be able to get a good night sleep.

He found these letters slightly easier to read. Mainly because there were less references to the painful memories. It was a relief, in a way, and he was genuinely curious about how Ada was and what she was doing. He missed chatting to her every day, about anything really, she could make even the most menial thing fascinating or funny. If he had to have guessed he would have said that she would return to being a waitress. He would have like for her to go and try for a writing job but how many of those were there in Bursa? Waitressing was a safety net for Ada.

"I have gone back to work at the cafe I waitresses in as a teenager, it is nice in a way as I have always loved talking to people and learning their stories. It's a really good job for a nosey person. Plus the chefs and waitresses form a real team. It's like an extra little family. Plus it gets me an ok amount of money while I wait to hear back from the university. I will likely keep working while studying though, I have done it before and extra cash never hurts. "

In the next letter, Bora was so pleased to read that the university had allowed Ada to finish her course from Bursa. He could almost see her smile lighting up her face, those gorgeous green eyes sparking like newly polished jade, as he read:

"Elif, I am about to be in trouble with my boss! I have just got the email from my university. They are going to allow me to finish my degree! I'm so happy. I had to stop serving customer and phone Selin, and of course write to you. I can't believe it. It feels like I have finally taken the step in the right direction. I might be able to fix all that I have broken. I begin on January 10th! I will have to finish this letter later, I have customers to get back to....I am now back at home and still can't believe it."

Her excitement flooded of the page and leached into his skin. He was so excited for her, he couldn't stop the smile that grow as he read that, even though he knew logically she had already been back at university for a few months now. Her joy was infectious. I could have been by her side and celebrated with her. I could have looked into her gleaming eyes and felt the warmth of her smile and she bounced around the room. He shook himself. He can't think like that. There was no way Bora could have forgiven Ada at the time this letter was written. He was still processing the lies. The marriage.

He had to admit it really didn't help Ada that he was dealing with Tucge's betrayal at the same time. He'd fired her the day after the truth came out. Cut her out of his life entirely. But Bora knew that it really did add to his issues with trust. It seemed he couldn't trust anyone, only Elif, and maybe Ali... Did everyone else find it so difficult to tell him the truth? Did he have 'lie to me' written across his forehead? In his darkest hours Bora wondered it Tugce, Ada and Ruzgar were conspiring against him. They all knew the secrets. Celal too, looking back he clearly knew Ada was married. That day that Ada took care of him after the fight, Celal definitely knew. Even a stranger knew before he did. He had felt like such an idiot. So easily manipulated and blinded by his love.... I was not ready to forgive her in November.

In one of the letters he found the answer to something he had been wondering about for months. How did he Hanife know how to make him Ada's smoothie? Apparently it was a fairly simple answer, Elif had asked Ada for it.

"As requested I have included the recipe for the smoothie I used to make your dayir. I am not sure this will help with his mood like Hanife says but you are both welcome to try it. It's quite easy. If he looks particularly tired she can add an extra squeeze of lime juice. It just adds a little kick"

He could still remember the first morning Hanife had made it. He was still spending most of his time at work, avoiding the memories of Ada at home...of holding her...kissing her...having his heart shattered by her. The office wasn't much easier. She was everywhere he looked there too, but as long as he avoided the roof, the memories were less painful. He spent hours staring at her desk. Ali, with all the best intentions, had offered to have it removed. But on the day it was arranged, Bora couldn't let it leave his office. Since then it became a bit of a fixation for Bora. Whenever something was bothering him, he would pick up a fidget spinner, give it a flick and stare at the her desk. It helped him work through his thoughts. It was meditative almost. He had been doing this for hours that night and it was gone 4am before he got home. He barely got 2 hours sleep before waking up to spend time with Elif. He knew he must have looked awful, dark circles definitely hung below his eyes. Elif had been particularly excited that morning but wouldn't say why. She bounced off her seat and ran to him when he entered the room. He didn't eat breakfast with the family anymore but would always take Elif to school. On that day Hanife came rushing out of the kitchen before with a bottle in her hand. She quickly glanced around, ensuring Belma was out of earshot and whispered "just like Ada used to make Bora Bey" with a soft smile, before hurrying back to the kitchen. He looked down at the bottle and he contemplated not drinking it. But with only 2 hours sleep he would have taken all the help he could get. When he took the first slip the flavours danced on his tongue. He had instantly felt more awake. The taste of the smoothie brought back so many memories. He chuckled to himself as he remembered Ada in that blue jacket with those ridiculous earrings. She was so funny that morning. A laugh escaped his lips. Elif's face had lit up while watching him.
From then on Hanife brought Bora a smoothie whenever he came home late.
You were wrong Ada. It did help my mood. From a distance, just through a smoothie recipe you brought me pure joy. I might have to get Hanife to make me one of those in the morning.

Overall the letters from November left Bora smiling. Reading them was almost like talking to Ada again. They brought back happier memories. He was so glad to read of the positive changes in Ada's life. The one that stood out was the letter she sent the week of his birthday. It was much shorter than the rest:

"Elif canim,
It is your Bora's birthday this week. I have sent a gift with this letter. I thought a lot about whether I should send it. It's up to you and your grandad to decided whether to give it to him. I know he hasn't been doing well recently and I don't want to ruin the day with a reminder of me. If you don't give it to him in the day, please don't tell me. Just hang on to it and maybe give it to him next year? Your decoration plans sound wonderful and I am very proud that you are going to make his cake. No doubt he will love that. I hope you all have a wonderful day. Hug him for me.
Seni seviyorum Elif,
Ada"

He had not received the gift. He would have remembered that. He had definitely not got a present from Ada. He understood why. He was not in a good mood the week of his birthday and had banned people from mentioning Ada. He can understand why his father decided that it was a bad idea. His birthday hadn't been the happiest. He had smiled and laughed for Elif. He ate cake and opened presents for Elif. The cake was lovely, soft and light. But once he had put Elif to bed he returned to his dark mood and went back to the office without talking to his parents.
What did she get me? I wonder if Elif still has it? He glanced that the clock, 11:45pm. He would have to wait till the morning, he couldn't wake he up just to ask her if he can have his present. What did Ada get me?

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Authors Note:
Sorry about any mistakes. My brain was a jumble for this chapter, which didn't help when I accidentally deleted the whole thing and had to rewrite it.
Thanks for reading ❤️