Alternative | ✓

12 - Decision.

He prayed to Narayana, of whom he was the avatar of, and also to his Gurudeva, Mahadeva, that at the least after all this troubles he hoped his last student, Kalki would be better than the idiots he had taught in his lifetime. 

Gandhari bit the inside of her cheek, drawing blood as she heard the footsteps of the Grandsire fade. He had informed her of the situation and then told his own opinion. She had sensed the underlying order. 

Put some sense in Duryodhana. Your son better not ask for the throne of Hastinapura. 

It took some self-control, which was truly eroding after so many decades, to not bite back a venomous reply. It reminded her of the day Duryodhana was born. The day when the Kuru elders other than her husband, wanted to kill her first-born.

She was on the verge of breaking herself. The Gandharasutā who did not break down when she embraced her fear for life, was breaking down when her children were hell-bent on getting themselves killed. Her children whom she loved more than her life. 

Her Duryodhana for whom she had fought Hastinapura to let him live, would be killed if this war continued. 

She, who lost her entire family in war with Bhishma, just because they had rejected the marriage proposal. She, who lost her brothers. She, who had been chosen because of her boon of hundred sons. She, who was ridiculed the moment her pregnancy was abnormal. She, who was rejected when Kunti gave birth to a divine son. She, who had to fight for her children before they were even born.  She, who had accepted everything Kuruvansh had threw at her with a grace their ancestors or their descendants would never see. 

Probably in some deep, dark corner of her heart, she wanted her brother Shakuni to succeed and destroy this clan who had taken so much from her and was still asking for more. 

Kunti had Kuntibhoj, Dwarka, Mathura and the entire Yadava clan to fall back on should she ever feel that she was treated unjustly by the Kuru clan.  Even Madra would help because at the end, Nakula and Sahadeva had ties there and they were raised by Kunti. None of those people were vassals of Hastinapura. Two of them even rivaled Hastinapura in might and power.

A self-deprecating smile crossed her lips. No wonder none of the Kuru elders have treated Kunti or Madri in that way. They would have faced repercussions or had lost their allies or even their heirs if they had done it. 

After all who did she have? Her family was dead except for Shakuni. Gandhar was a vassal kingdom, having no real power. She only had Shakuni, who had done all he could for her. Even crossing the limits to right and wrong. 

She didn't even want to remember how many of her children were alive in the end. But she won't let anyone take away the rest that she had left. 

Rage, sorrow and resentment had always bubbled underneath her skin. She had just never allowed anyone to see it. She couldn't allow anyone to see it. But this war had unraveled even that part of hers. She knew her husband had been walking on eggshells around her. He had mostly left her alone, spending most of his time with Sanjaya. Sometimes she joined them, sometimes she did not.

She was tired. She was angry. She was resentful. And she was desperate. 

Vasusena, the child whom she loved as her own had done something to at least forestall the war. She was well aware of his reality, though he did not know that. Her heart had wept when Ira had vented about what had happened to him.  The anger she had felt then had terrified even herself. Another one of her children wronged.

Kunti's children, who apparently respected her had also tricked her. She had not forgotten  how instead of Bhanumati, it had been Draupadi who had come to take her blessings, taking advantage of her blindness. Couldn't they have simply asked for her blessings? They did it with the older Kuru elders, didn't they? Why do they need to trick her? 

She curled her fingers tightly. Surely she had followed Dharma all her life. What had she gotten? Nothing. 

She wanted Dharma to win, but the darkness that had tormented her as a child did not frighten her any longer. She had spend more than half her life in it's embrace. And more than Dharma, she loved her children. 

"Maharani," She heard Sugadha speak, "Yuvraja Duryodhana seeks an audience with you."

Sugadha - another sore spot in her life. She can never blame the woman when the person to be blamed was her husband. But she surely resented Yuyutsu for abandoning his brothers, when they had needed him. It was unlike of her, but call her blind.

After everything else, there was only one thing that she lived for - that was her children.  

The cursed clan of Kuru had taken everything from her, including her own self.  She won't let them take away her children. This was a similar battle she had to fight decades back at the start of Duryodhana's birth. She knew what she had to do. 

"Allow him to come inside," She ordered, "And Sugadha?"

"Yes Maharani?"

"Kindly leave us alone."

|| Was that angsty? I think it was! Portraying Gandhari is tough. Honestly I admire this woman. She was no one special and that was what made her extraordinary. I love her.||