Your Love Is Sunlight

One

You know how fairytales have that scene where the princess meets her prince and they run away into the night to get married and live happily ever after and have three kids and a house with a picket fence? Well, that's the exact opposite of how Elio met Andrew.

Elio Jay Ivers (age twenty-three) spotted Andrew Hozier Byrne (age twenty-eight) from across the bar at Street 66 in Dublin on August 2nd, 2018. Elio was no princess; he was a slightly tame metalhead with a tendency to flirt with everyone he met. And Andrew was no prince. He knew that from the moment he set his eyes on him. No prince would be caught dead in that beat up jean jacket, nor would he fancy a place like Street 66.

Not that Andrew looked particularly at home surrounded by dozens of gay men. It was the exact opposite, actually. He looked anxious, nursing a glass of whiskey and some peanuts while his leg shook out of nervous habit. Elio found himself drifting towards the man, asking the bartender for another of "whatever he's having" before settling onto the barstool next to him.

He looked up as Elio slid him the glass of whiskey. "Ehm-." he looked between the glass and the man in front of him. "Is this for me?"

"No, I was trying to flirt with the wall on the other side of you," Elio teased, raising an eyebrow in Andrew's direction. "You've never had a guy buy you a drink, have you?"

Andrew smiled and looked away, trying to hide his blush. "You've got me there."

"You're fresh out of the closet then," he asked, noticing how Andrew's eyes flickered around the room, like he was scared of getting caught. "If not, the rest of the world is blind. You're gorgeous... and you have that whole sexy bard thing going on."

"If you keep talking like that, I'll end up believing you, ehm," he laughed, trying to ease his nerves, "but... I'm not really out of the closet at all. I don't even know what I'd come out as. I'm clueless, really." He looked down to his drink and Elio could tell that he was genuinely confused, as well as being on the edge, like he was afraid of being caught.

"How about this," Elio proposed, "I'll make sure you don't drink alone, because if I don't, some other guy will get you drunk, and you can ask me anything you want. I just won't go home with you."

"That's actually great. Thank you." Andrew looked relieved that he wouldn't have to sit alone anymore. "I wasn't looking for a hookup anyways. I don't even know why I'm here, if I'm being honest. I was about to give up."

"How long have you been questioning yourself for?"

"Ehm...," Andrew rested his head in his hands, trying to piece together a timeline, "I think... it started when I was at Trinity. I was in a relationship for about a year, and then it ended, and I had a lot of time to think about... what I wanted, if that makes any bit of sense. After that, I kind of ignored it. I got in another relationship, we broke up, I repeated the cycle, and now I'm here."

Elio nodded, way out of his area of expertise as well. "You sound like you need a smoke," he commented in an attempt to say anything to help the current situation. "Wanna go out back? I've got a few blunts and a menthol left."

"I could use a bit of a high right now, if I'm being honest," Andrew accepted, abandoning his whiskey and letting Elio lead him through the maze of people and to the back entrance of the bar. He was secretly grateful to be away from the loud music and the smell of cheap booze that seemed to radiate off of every person in the bar.

Elio leaned against the brick wall and fished through his back pocket, pulling out a wintergreen altoids tin. He took a blunt from the tin and held it between his lips, lighting it and taking a few drags before passing it to Andrew. "So, you're at a gay bar in Downtown Dublin but you aren't out yet because you've been avoiding it since you started college," Elio recalled. "Is your family against it?"

Andrew passed the blunt back to him and blew out a cloud of smoke, watching as it faded into the air. "No. They've always been very supportive of my decisions. I'm very lucky to have them," he explained. "I've been traveling so much, I haven't been able to put myself out there, and how am I supposed to know I like men if I haven't as much as kissed one?"

"Do you want to try it?" Elio regretted asking as soon as the words left his mouth, and he especially regretted it when he saw the face that Andrew was making. "I- shit, I shouldn't have said that. I'm an asshole," he corrected himself, hoping that he hadn't made Andrew too uncomfortable.

"No, ehm, I actually would," he responded, unable to look Elio in the eyes out of embarrassment. "Only if you're comfortable with it."

Elio hesitated for a second before pinching the end of the blunt to put it out and returning it to the tin. "I wouldn't have asked if I was uncomfortable with it." He stepped closer to Andrew but let him close the gap between them entirely.

He fixed Andrew's collar and hooked his hands behind his neck, pulling him down until their noses brushed together. "Is this okay," he asked. but Andrew didn't respond, too busy staring at his lips to care about anything else.

It was slow at first. Andrew was testing the waters, pausing after every kiss to decide whether or not he would keep going, before stealing another. Elio could tell when it clicked in him, the "this is what I want" moment, as he became hungry.

Andrew backed him up against the brick wall, one hand moving up to cradle Elio's jaw and the other traveling down to grab his ass. Elio let a tiny moan escape his mouth with the intent to urge him on, but Andrew pulled away instead.

He rested his forearms against the wall and let his head fall to the crook of Elio's neck. "I liked that a little too much to be straight, didn't I," Andrew asked, so many thoughts running through his head at the same time. He pushed off the wall, finally working up the courage to face Elio after what they'd just done and the shame he felt for doing it.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like shit," he laughed, moving to sit down on the ledge beside Elio, who handed Andrew the rest of the blunt and his lighter. "Thank you. I'll find a way to pay you back for this."

Elio shook his head. "Don't worry about it. It seems like you're having enough of a shit week without having to worry about paying me back for 3.50€ worth of weed." He went back to staring at the ground until a realization hit him. He hesitated before saying, "I never even asked your name. I probably should've done that before... everything."

"Don't feel bad. I didn't ask yours either," Andrew laughed, "Ehm... Andrew." He offered a handshake like they hadn't just been kissing in an alley, but Elio snatched the blunt from his hand instead, a playful smile on his face, and took a drag.

"Nice to meet you, Andrew, I'm Elio," he said softly, letting his head fall to the side against the wall and smiling up at him. "Wanna get out of here? My apartment is just over there."

Andrew's breath caught in his throat, and he straightened up, glancing to the music shop across the alley with an upstairs apartment. They'd both long forgotten their agreement to not go home together, and before they knew it, Andrew was pressing Elio against the front door and unbuckling his belt. The rest was a blur, of which Elio would only remember bits and pieces by the time he woke up.