behind his mask ~ AkaTan AU

18 - Change. . .

Kanao lay on her bed, the darkness surrounding her. It was dawn, around 5:06 AM.
She had no sleep. She couldn't, the thought of her killing a child is haunting her. So much guilt..

'I didn't mean to.. I promise I never knew..' She felt beads of tears falling down her cheeks.
'Please forgive me.. Kanae-San..'

She cletched onto her pillow. She felt as if she was drowning is self hatred. She didn't want to..

'If I wasn't here.. Could the baby still be alive..?'

*KNOCK KNOCK*

"Kanao?" Shinobu called from outside her room.

"Is there anything you need?" Kanao turned her emotions off, the tears dried away almost instantly.

"I'm just wondering if you are okay? We are going back to ____ village soon." Shinobu spoke..

'No, I can't bare to face Jiro after what I have done..' Kanao trembled as she stood up.

"I'll be there soon."

-──--──--──--──--──-
| hours later - 8:45 AM|
-___-___-___-___-___-___-

"Kanao? You are spacing out alot.. Are you okay?" Rengoku asked. He had volunteered to come along because Mitsuri has gone missing.

"Huh? Uhm, yes. Ofcourse I am." Kanao smiled at Rengoku, as soon as he smiled and turned his head away from her, the smile was swept away from the girls face.

"We have arrived. I expected to arrive a few hour later, I guess we hurried a bit.." Shinobu giggled softly.

"Mhm..! I will go and look around, see if J-Jiro is anywhere." Kanao couldn't help but stutter. His name is haunting her. The child could have been human, maybe even a future skilled demon slayer.. 

Even if it was a demon, Kanao couldn't have the proper sanity to kill a baby by choice..

She walked over to where the lake was. Ah yes, the prettiest lake she had ever seen. How peacful.. She could see some swans bathing in the lake from a distance. A family..

She shuddered and looked to the floor. Then got onto her knees and raised her hands, placing them together as if she was praying.

'Please forgive me Kanae-San. Instead of helping I hurt a child.. Something you could never do.. I am grateful for what you did, I will do nything for Jiro to forgive me..' She clenched her teeth, fighting back tears.

"Honto ni gomen ne. Moushi wakenai.." Kanao rested her forehead on the ground, a tear releasing itself from her eye and sinking into the ground.

['Honto ni gomen ne. Mouhsi wakenai..' means 'I am really sorry. I feel terrible..'  if that helps :) ]

"Kanao?" Shinobu appeared behind her. "What are you doing?"

"I am just admiring the view." Kanao smiled, standing up straight.

"Is this about the baby─"
"Where is Rengoku? I think we should get to him before he becomes worried." Kanao instantly spoke over Shinobu. Not letting the Hashira say another word, Kanao walked away.

-──-──-──-──-──-
|  Later that night   |
-___-___-___-___-___--

Kanao snuck out. Shinobu and Rengoku were sleeping. She was sitting by the lake yet again, praying and apologising to Kanae, her savior. 

Even if apologising to a dead person doesn't make the situation any better, Kanao feels safe and the weight on her chest becomes lighter.

She needs to meet Jiro alone. She needs to apologise to him soon, before the weight gets too heavy, it'll crush her..

~~

Heya!! So sorry for taking too long for this very short update! I really hope you didn't wait too long.

I want Kanao to be so guilty she can hardly face demons anymore. Not because I hate her because I don't, but because soon the Hashira's will notice how weak she has gotten and.. well, thats spoilers. SO I wont spoil it for you and I'll begin the next chapter right away, and maybe I can publish a few chapters today!!

Im sorry if it seems like I'm rushing this, but I am not. I want to put alot of effort into my writing but because of my habit to type really fast I end up getting an urge to continue writing even if my hand aches, which is why I go onto different wattpad accounts to write.  :) 

So I'm sorry if it seems rushed.

ALSO I love u all ur so supportive and amazingggg!!