insecure-(of a person) uncertain or anxious about oneself; not confident.
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you ever feel trapped. conflicted on what to do? conflicted on asking for help? i want the help. i want someone to reassure its nothing, its normal, that I'm wrong. but i don't want to feel like a desperate burden. i already feel like it because I'm in their lives.
should i just leave? I'm scared. i want to associate with them. join in and laugh. I'm too scared they'll think I'm weird and leave me forever one day.
tears brimming in my eyes. i just blink them away when i want to cry so hard and wash my problems away. its not that easy though. is it? they are still talking. i don't wanna interfere in in. i left. not for long. i just excused myself saying i had an emergency. now I'm alone in my room typing this up.
i want to show them this snippet of my feelings. i don't want to come across as a attention seeker though. i been loud all my life. i want to quiet down and push myself away and isolate myself even if i know it'll hurt. i don't others to hurt though.
they're asking for me. i should go.. but i don't want to. i cant act now. I'm down and my heart is in my stomach. i cant speak without tears falling. without telling them everything. i don't want them to pity me. my hearts aching. it hurts bad. i want to say fuck it. but i don't want to offend anyone.
my worst fears - being a burden, being called an attention seeker, fake love. but i guess my fears are part true. I'm an attention whore, a burden, just a toy to be yelled at. no body loves me. they all act. its all acting. I'll act too. I'll act like I'm happy. I'll act like everything's fine.
yeah..
.
.
.
i don't have to act. I'm fine. i really am. everything's fine.
