A Feast Of Souls: A Dark Paranormal Romance

Chapter 30: The Lunatic's Lullaby

My heart sinks and I know not why, because I knew she would speak of him.

'Andrew Hawkstone,' I say.

'Yes,' she whispers, her fingernails scratching at the arms of the chair. Shame contorts her features. 'He was terribly sick, you see. Some awful condition he had contracted on his travels overseas. I was not meant to know he had returned. At least, that's what I thought at first, but later – when it was too late – I realised I was meant to know. I was walking past his bedchamber one night, what I believed was nothing but an empty room, since he had been away so long. It had been a gruelling day; his wife had been particularly cruel to me. You know how she can be. The children had been little monsters and told lies about me and Mrs. Hawkstone threatened to let me go. I am not generally one for tears, as you know, but that night as I returned to my own chamber, I was tearful. I heard a crash coming from the Captain's chamber and thinking we had an intruder, I opened the door.'

'And he was there.'

She nods, scraping at her lip with her teeth. Another tear falls.

'I was shocked. The room was meant to be empty and instead I found Andrew there. I did not understand. Why was it a secret? Why had none of the staff been told? Even the children did not know he had returned, and his wife had certainly mentioned nothing of him to me. He appeared just as shocked to see me, but it was no shock, Lily. Instead, it was a meticulous plan to lure me in just at the opportune moment. Of course, at the time, I could not see.'

Lizzie closes her eyes for a second, her head lolling as if she might sleep. When she opens them again, I am not sure I have ever seen someone look so haunted as she does now. There is a deep, terrible horror in her glassy gaze.

'He had fallen, he said, and had stumbled into the dresser, knocking over a picture frame, and breaking it against the hearth. He seemed terribly weakened by his illness, but despite his suffering, he saw my own and asked me why I was crying. It felt like a terrible betrayal of my mistress to speak of her to her own husband, but I found the words spilling out, as if I could not stop them. One after the other after the other. All the time, he nodded and wiped at my tears. I was wretched, utterly wretched, but Andrew... he said he would deal with it and ensure his wife kept her tongue in check. He was so kind to me, Lily and like a fool I allowed myself to fall willingly into his trap.'

She trails off, splaying her fingers and staring at her fingernails, all bitten and raw edged. 'All those dreams, Lily. Everything I had planned, and I allowed them all to be destroyed that night. And the night after that and the night after that. At first, it was like walking in a dream, but not one of my own making. It was his dream, you see, and I was lost in it.' She smiles again. 'I say trapped, but I never saw it like that at first. I liked his dream. He had a way about him that Edmund didn't. I suppose in a wicked sort of way it felt like the perfect revenge for all the times Andrew's wife had rebuked me and made me feel unworthy of my employment. He said, I had cured him. I had brought the life back into his bones in a way he hadn't felt in months. To have a man like that put you above all else, you have no idea how wonderful it felt, Lily!' Her smile drops. 'But it did not feel wonderful for long. Then I knew I really was trapped.'

I reach my hand across the table, stopping short of touching her. I cannot. My heart aches, but I cannot.

'How were you trapped, Lizzie? You could have confided in me! Have we not always told each other absolutely everything?'

Lizzie's face breaks, a crumpling of her last ounce of composure. 'Because I did not want to disappoint you so, Lillian! My whole life I had wanted you to like me, I had wanted you to love me as a friend, a sister even. You have always been so self-assured. So strong. I did not want you to look at me and realise I am not the person you thought me to be!'