Letting Go * Top 10 #SYTYCW15 * (LGBT BxB)

Part Seven - Thinking

I settled on the couch to watch a movie, but I couldn't concentrate on what was happening. Thoughts of Ben on his date filtered through my head drowning out everything else. What if he didn't come home? Or worse, what if he brought the guy back here. I wasn't sure I could hold my composure long enough to get through such an awkward encounter.

I stood up and walked into my room. The piece of paper with our agreement typed on it sat by my bedside table. I thumbed over the words. "This agreement will not cause the dissolution of Ben and Jace's friendship and if at any time that becomes a worry the escape clause automatically comes in to effect."

I shook my head. This was all because of a lesson, it wasn't real. These feelings were residual emotions after my first real sexual experience. It would go away. I stood up and walked back out of my bedroom. I could do this.

I sat back down and changed the channel to some music show. It grabbed my attention long enough to distract me from everything that had been plaguing me. Around half an hour later the door unlocked. I knew instantly that Ben wasn't alone, my attention pulled away from the TV as my heart sunk to the floor. I wasn't sure I could watch this, even though I knew my reactions were just because of the experience we'd shared earlier. Ben walked in smiling, he held a bag in his hand from Madison's. "I got you the prime beef deluxe. I know you said not to... but I still feel bad for bailing." Ben's friend walked in behind him and smiled. He was tall, taller than Ben which was saying something. He had black hair and wore black thick rimmed glasses. Ben walked over and handed me the bag. "Uh, thanks man." I smiled briefly.

"This is Elton. He's my friend from school." He smiled. "He just broke up with his boyfriend and needed a shoulder. El, this is Jace."

"I know who he is." Elton grinned he stepped forward and held his hand out. "I've got all the Going Nowhere records. You're a killer drummer."

"Thanks." I replied shaking his hand

"I was real sad to hear about your boyfriend. Cris." He added, his smile dropped and I could tell he was being genuine. So I nodded. "It's okay."

"We should leave Jace be. Um. My room is through there." Ben pointed over to his room. He looked down at me as he spoke, I returned my focus to the TV and hoped like hell I was doing a good job of hiding my true thoughts. "Elton is crashing here, his roommates effectively kicked him out for the night."

"So they could fuck." Elton added with a colorful grin. "I'd like to say it's the first time it's happened. Especially since I've only been here a week, but last night I slept at a bar."

"Hey, it's none of my business." I replied coolly.

Elton walked over to the bedroom and opened the door. I felt nauseas, like I was actually going to be sick. "I'll be in soon." Ben said to Elton.

Ben sat down on the couch beside me and pointed at the TV. "Good show?"

"Yeah. Enthralling." I lied. The music show had finished and now something about frogs was on. I just wanted this awkward encounter to be over. I wanted Ben to walk into his room and do whatever he was planning to do with Elton. Maybe then these irrational feelings would evaporate.

"You okay?"

"Never better." I replied, lying through my teeth.

"Then why are you doing that thing."

"What thing?" I replied turning to face Ben, He looked concerned.

"Your arms are folded across your chest, your eyes are dark and you're biting the inside of your mouth."

I sucked in a breath and relaxed. I hadn't been aware I was doing any of that, yet it seemed that perhaps it was something I did a lot. Ben had noticed it, I wasn't as closed off as I had hoped. Ben could see right through me.