Never Let Them Define You

FINDING GUIDANCE

"Huh...can I ask you about something else?"

"Sure, honey."

"I'm in a relationship and I'm not sure it's gonna work out...I slept with someone else."

She sighs and rolls her eyes. "Well, that's quite the pickle, huh?" They both laugh and hug tightly.

"I missed you, mom."

"You too, Sandy; so much."

"I love when you call me that." She giggles.

"Really? I always thought you found it embarrassing."

"I did, but I got over myself." They both laugh again.

"Anyways, about that man...why'd you do it?"

"He just doesn't excite me like he used to, but the guy I slept with wasn't really exciting either...I don't know, he just made me feel safe."

"Why's that?"

"He didn't know me, he didn't treat me like a goddess, he just talked to me like a regular person. He saw me as an equal, you know? It felt so easy to be open with him, and that just made us even more equal."

"Hmm...maybe you're just tired of putting up a false image. What's the name of the man you're seeing?"

"Marco."

"Okay, how do you feel when you're with Marco?"

"I don't know, a little on edge, I guess? Like I'm not doing enough with my life."

"So, why are you with him?"

"He pushes me, he sees so much in me, and he's always there when I need him to be."

"Is he there too much?"

"Maybe...he's not very good with space."

"How are you with space?"

"I crave it, but I don't know if I should rely on it, I mean, is that healthy?"

She laughs. "Of course it's healthy...when I started writing full-time, people kept telling me to, 'get out there,' and, 'be more social.' I listened at first, out of pressure, but I only felt less inspired and more drained every time I would go to some big outing. The more time I spent writing, only making short breaks for people very close to me, the more productive and fulfilled I felt. The only thing that isn't healthy is listening when other people tell you what you should be doing, and not cutting out time-wasting people from your life."

"I don't really have a lot of people in my life."

"Well, you don't need a lot."

"Yeah, but I have Marco, and that's it."

"I'm starting to see some issues with your relationship."

She laughs. "Me too."

"Do you ever hang out with your co-workers after hours?"

"No."

"Do you want to?"

"Uh...there's a couple people that, yeah, I could see myself having a good time with."

"Why haven't you?"

"Just never really thought to ask, and Marco's the only one who ever came up to me."

"Wait, you're dating someone you work with?"

"Yeah...is that bad?"

She scoffs, "Been there, done that, and it's terrible. If you want to get trapped in a relationship, then spending every waking hour with someone is an express ticket."

I'm not trapped..."

She gives her the side eye, with a raised eyebrow, then sighs. "Well, I don't know enough to say; just one old woman's opinion." She laughs. "It's not like every work relationship is gonna turn out like mine."

"How did it go?"

"I keyed his car and he got the house."

"You were married?"

"Lived a lot of life out of touch."

"What else has happened to you?"

"Well, that was the second time I got married, I've bought three houses, rode an elephant, and learned French."

"You speak two languages?"

"Tes cheveux sentent le caca."

"What does that mean?"

"You have a beautiful smile."

"Why do I get the feeling that's not true?"

She laughs. "No reason." She sighs and puts her arm around her shoulder. "You've got so much life ahead of you...no reason to waste it trying to get it all right."