MOONSTRUCK ... r.lupin

chapter twenty-four

This is the end of it all and the start of it all. The end of the only thing they have ever known and the start of the one thing they can never be sure of. The safety net had been shredded and now they must jump without looking, arms spread to the world, hoping that they land on something soft and bouncy. Their wings have been clipped and now they are free falling. The end of nothing and the start of all things.

Out in the distance, they can see familiar boats bobbing on the crystal clear waters of the Black Lake.

"We're travelling back on the boats?" Amalthea asks no one in particular, mouth falling open. They'd first travelled on those boats on their very first night of school, arriving at Hogwarts in pissing rain, cloaks drawn tight around their body and clothes drenched by the time they'd stepped into the castle. It was the most fun any of them had ever had.

And now, they get to return to Hogsmeade on those very same boats.

Nate holds his hand out and Poppy drops the packet of tissues into his palm without him even having to ask.

They are given one last chance to mingle with the professor's they will most likely never see again, hugging their favourite ones for teaching them their favourite subjects with passion, shaking the hands of their most hated as they try to hold back a sneer. Nate calls them all by the affectionate nicknames his childhood self had nicknamed them, earning sniffling chuckles and head pats. He feels five again. Every so often, he has to reach into his pocket, pull out a tissue and wipe away the tears starting to bubble over his cheeks.

"Nachan." Minerva McGonagall's voice cracks as she pulls her son into a hug, hiding her own tears in the crook of his neck, clutching at the back of his shirt like she never wants to let him go. He's about to walk into adulthood and she's just supposed to allow him.

"I know, Mum. I know." He can hardly speak through the tears building up in his throat.

"You're not going to be here anymore." Some of the others have stopped close to them, unable to believe that Minerva McGonagall is actually crying. Nate just wants to burrow closer to her. He never wants to let her go. "Ai shiteru." She whispers, one hand coming up to card through his hair, nails scratching against his scalp. He's leaving and that means leaving her behind.

Soon, he'll be living in Diagon Alley, sharing a flat with his boyfriend, going to St Mungo's to learn how to become a healer. He won't have time to see her. He won't have time to visit. It'll just be him on one side of the island and her on the other, and their only interactions will be through bi-weekly letters they can't fit everything into.

No more Thursday afternoon tea sessions. No more after school biscuit sharing. No more sitting in her office, stroking one of the cats who have come to play and just watching the view out of her window. He's got to live without her daily hugs, without her silly nicknames, without her love pouring out of her like sunshine.

How will he survive without his mother?

"I love you too, Mum."

When they finally pull apart, their eyes are red and puffy, their cheeks tear-stained. But they are smiling through it anyway, hands clasped between their bodies. For once, she looks so small.

Their hands fall away.

She lets him go.

This is it. The end of all things, the start of all things.

They start their descent to the boats. Their parents and professors watch them from the top of the hill, the other students from the windows facing this side of the castle. The further they get away from childhood the closer they get to adulthood. As soon as those boats reach the other side of the river, they will be adults, left alone to navigate the world at their fingertips.

Nate's hands shake.

A familiar warm hand slips into his own. He glances up despite the fact he doesn't have to. It's Remus, standing at his side like always, fingers intertwined, hot breath on his ear. He's telling him how good he looks in his suit. He's telling him how much he loves him. He's telling him how much he's going to miss sneaking around the castle and finding all the good hiding spots.

The sun is too hot on his skin. He can't think straight. He's not thinking about anything but the smirk on Remus' face, the rings on his fingers, the piercings in his ears. His hair is mussed up even more. There's stubble growing along his jaw. His autumn eyes have darkened into wintery twilight.

Nate is not thinking enough to stop himself.

He reaches forward, arms sliding around his waist, hands positioned just above the waistband of his trousers. He pulls him closer, flush to his chest so that the silk of Remus' golden shirt flutters against his skin. Everyone has stopped to stare at them. He doesn't notice. He just dips his neck back, leans up on his toes and lets their lips meet. Remus doesn't fight him off. He sinks into the kiss, barely keeping himself up, arms lazily thrown around his shoulders.

He tastes like visible constellations from the astronomy tower. Useless conversations under the blooming magnolia tree. Marshmallows bobbing in hot chocolate by the kitchen fireplace. Sneaking touches behind statues of dead ghosts trailing the hallways. When they get on those boats, their kisses will change somehow, they'll mean something else, they'll taste so different.

Nate can't wait to discover the taste awaiting him in London.

He pulls away. His own heartbeat in his ears drowns out the cheering of their peers. Remus is smiling and blushing, the scar on his nose whiter than ever before. Nate never wants to let him go. His eyes trail over the scars littering his skin. If he could, he'd paint over them and allow him to start afresh, create new homes on his body, new meanings for him to kiss and love.

There is a home here in this boy with acorn hair and autumn eyes. And it is a home that Nate wants to cultivate into his very own. 

well, this was the longest chapter I've ever written for this fic and also probably one of my favourites! 

i hope you enjoyed x