Keeping up with the Joneses

Part Eight

"All I'm saying is... You weren't even careful. No, I wasn't gonna let Sam burn in there. But don't think I didn't notice how you were first in, last out. And yes, I saw the scorch marks on the back of your shirt. Didn't put on your jacket fast enough for these eyes."

Sara scoffed. "I don't understand why this is a problem right now."

"Because I don't need you throwin' yourself into the pit for the sake of anyone else!" Dean's voice came out harsh; harsher than he intended and his heart clenched in guilt when he saw Sara flinch. She pressed her lips together, eyes looking out the window.

"Dean, I don't know if you got the memo, but I don't have much left. I have you two, and Joey. You're my family. I'm as careful as I can be, but I will not watch another person die if I can help it."

"I said it before, you don't have to take care of--"

"Yes, I do, Dean. Look, I'm not strong like you. I'm not smart like Sam. I do what I can, but that's all I got. I just got you and Sam back. If it makes you feel better, I'm not gonna do anything so dangerous that will take me away from Joey. That's my number one. But you two are right there at the top of the list, too."

Dean sighed, looking at Sara who was looking back at him with an intensity he hadn't seen in years. He nodded, looking back at the road. Just then, Sam jerked awake, breathing heavily.

"Sammy?" Sara sat forward, putting her hand on his shoulder. He looked between the two of them, noticing the concern in both of their gazes. He took a moment to catch his breath, trying to rid himself of the nightmare he just had.

"I'm fine," Sam said, before either of them could ask.

"Another nightmare?" Dean asked, keeping his eyes on the road. Sam only cleared his throat, still shifting uncomfortably from the dream. "You wanna drive?" Sam and Sara both looked at him with raised eyebrows, and Sam chuckled halfheartedly.

"In your whole life, you never once asked me that." Sara grinned at Dean, knowing this was his attempt at making his little brother feel better.

"Just thought you might want to, nevermind."

Sam looked down. "Look, you guys, I know you're worried about me. I get it. And thank you, but I'm perfectly okay."

"Mm-hmm," Dean still avoided Sam's eyes, clearly upset that he wasn't spilling.

"Sam, we just want you to know that we're here for you. Whenever you need. We can just listen, we can talk you through it, whatever. It's not good to keep it bottled up."

Sam looks back at Sara, giving her a sad smile. He nods, then picks up a map. "Alright, where are we?"

"We are just outside of Grand Junction." Sara lets herself zone out of the conversation, thinking of Joey, whose birthday was a meager two days away. Sara's birthday was only ten days after that, but she didn't really celebrate her birthday. She worried that they wouldn't be back to Bobby's in time for her little brother's day; having just caught a whiff of a new case and Sam's current state. She knew she couldn't just take off, but the thought of missing her brother's birthday made her heart ache. She had never missed one, not even when she hunted with her father. Not even when she worked-- every year she made sure to make it special.

She loved her parents; but with them being hunters, birthdays were never really a thing for her. If she was honest with herself, she wasn't really sure if anyone other than her brother even knew when her birthday was. She didn't care, feeling that stopping everything to celebrate getting a year older was silly. Sure, she knew when the boy's birthdays were, Joey's of course, and pretty much everyone she knew, but she never really brought up her own. When asked, she always managed to change the subject.

She felt herself getting fixated on the negative feelings mixed with missing her brother's birthday, and spoke once the boys finished their conversation.

"I think I need to go back," she said glumly. Sam and Dean looked over at her in shock, exchanging a glance. "It's almost Joey's birthday. I can't miss it."

The boys were quiet for a moment, but Sam spoke up. "It's okay, Sara. We understand."

"I-- wait, really?"

"Yeah," Dean said. "I promised we'd be done by the time it rolled around. Didn't expect this other stuff to pop up."

"You guys aren't mad?"

Sam turned, looking Sara directly in the eyes. "No. You're allowed to be with your family. Me and Dean know how important this is to you, so of course we're not mad."

Sara was surprised, to say the least. She had mentally prepared herself for some kind of fight, for someone to tell her she was being selfish. But maybe, that was her own internalized self hatred.

"Thank you," she said genuinely. She hated to lie, knowing that it wasn't the only reason she needed to go. She needed to get away from the boys for a time, and Joey's birthday was the perfect excuse.