Song recommendation
A Soulmate Who Wasn't Meant To Be-
Jess Benko
Sir you left again. Back and gone again. I'm convinced you're using this tactic to it's last thread of life to keep me begging for you to stay a little longer. You only listen when im exchanging warmth for cold. Where you can see every mark, crevasse, and perfect imperfections. You don't notice my body is deteriorating from the inside out but knowing I'm growing physically weaker and soon mentally is what turns you on. Wanting a slave. Someone who can give you 1000% of themselves with just one glance from your cold dead eyes. Only to walk away when the deed is done. Selfish. You wish to be pleased and aren't willing to put out. When you try it's physical, something that used to feel sweet now makes me gag at the thought. Worst is I trusted you with something personal and it seems you've used this information as a window to how i function. To further manipulate my state of mind to keep me from leaving. Apart of me wants nothing but to please you hoping something will click and you'll stay with me. But that's unrealistic. You'll leave again and stay away for much longer.
The cold is something i hated, you know that. But I no longer seek warmth when I'm lonely. The cold is comforting. You were a warm feeling, Everytime that feeling faded and left me withing nothing but freezing aching bones. I'd rather be shivering and blue than be warmed by your temporarily. It hurts more than it comforts. Burning me alive. The fire so bright it's tempting to walk into. I don't know if i should walk away into the cold deep ocean or stay on the shore by the fire hoping you calm down enough to show the person i hope you'd be.
Yet i can't let go of you. I want you. The open mess of ugly you hide. Maybe it's time i hide from you too. Will you even bother to notice? Will you see the hesitation? Will you notice the cold shoulder? Will you care enough to ask? Are you asking out of curiosity and worry or out of obligation? Do you want me anymore? Am i your toy? Or do you see me as an equal being? Do you care about the tears i shed over you? Or is it a trophy to you? If you had the choice would it be me and you? Or am I just a body used for your convenience?
I just want to be wanted emotionally and cared for... by you. But you don't wish to. You won't be try to be capable. That's why your gone again.
