Forever (Clexa)

1

It's been 7 days, Clarke. 7 days since I saw your smile, 7 days since I kissed your lips. 7 days since you called my name in that unique way only you can, it still gives me butterflies every time.

I still can't believe that you're gone, Clarke. I keep wishing that it's just a nightmare and I'll wake up anytime and you'd hold me and tell me that it's okay, everything's just fine. But it's not. You're not here, Clarke.

I know how hard you tried, how hard you fought to stay here with us. I know I said that its okay, if you're in too much pain, if it's too hard, if you can't keep fighting, it's okay to let go, that it's okay to rest, my love.

Still, it hurts. It hurts a lot, as if there's a huge hole in my chest, shredding my heart to pieces. What I wouldn't give to hold you in my arms again, to tell you that I love you one last time!

Madi has been really quiet. She didn't go to school this week. She has been clutching on to that little stuffed lion you loved to hug whenever you felt down, the one you gave to Madi on her 5th birthday. I don't think Aden fully understands that you're gone yet. He keeps crying for you and asking when you would come home. I don't know how to tell him that you won't. So I just hug him and Madi to my chest tightly, hoping to ease their pain. They've been sleeping with me in our bed, and I hold them close. In my dreams, you tell me that it will get better, that we'll be okay.

I don't know if we'll be just fine, but I do hope that it'll get better. I have to be strong for Aden and Madi. They give me the strength to keep going. To be honest, I don't know what I'd do without them.

So I drown it out, like I always do. I take it minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. It's hard, but I'm trying. I have to keep going for Aden and Madi. I promise you that I'll take care of them. That I'll always be there for them.

I want you to know that even if you can't be here physically, you'll always be there in my heart. I love you. I will always love you. Whenever I miss you, I remember all the beautiful moments we spent together. Those are the happiest moments of my life, the ones where I felt most alive. You wanna know why? Because all my life, I was just surviving. And then you burst into my life with your ever present smile and an almost ridiculously optimistic outlook on life and taught me how to live. You showed me that life was more than just surviving.

And I lived. With you by my side, I truly lived, Clarke. Loving you was amazing. But being loved by you? That was the best thing ever. We built a life, full of love. We built a family. We were happy. We were gonna watch Aden and Madi grow up. We were gonna grow old together. But life doesn't always go the way we plan.

It hurts, but I understand that you had to go. I don't blame you, my love. I know you fought to stay with us till your last breath.

We will meet again, Clarke. I don't know how, but our love will bring us together. I know it. Until then, my love, just know that I will always be yours. I love you forever, Clarke.

Your little raccoon,

Lexa

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A/N
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