"God how I wish I was your favorite. I want to be your number one like you are mine," I mutter in the mirror, my face dripping with cold water after I splashed myself with it. "I need to snap the hell out of it already..."
"You getting out of the bathroom or not?!" My father yells from the other side of the door.
"Yeah yeah!"
I look down at my thighs.
'It's been years...don't let it get to you again. They'll freak out if they find out. You promised.'
After a couple of skin coloured bandaids it looks good as new!
I dont really like myself. Is it cliché if I say no one understands me? Maybe. But if there's anything that 2016 emo phase taught me, is that it all really isn't worth it for the imminent heartbreak....
...right?..
______________________________________
Highschool. That word already makes me want to throw up. Very 2000's coming of age way to start, but what the hell. I don't have many friends, but I've learned to accept it. I'm not very likeable when I look at myself from someone elses perspective. Most people make me feel like a bad person, but them..
They make me feel that maybe life isn't all that bad sometimes. I hate to admit that they're the only reason I get up to go to school on mornings, but it's the truth. It's hard to put it into words. Every person they've ever met likes them. Teachers love them, my parents love them, the whole school loves them.
At this point Im not sure if I want them or if I want to be them. But I can't bear to see them with that douchebag boyfriend of theirs. What does he have? He's just popular.
They put me to shame next to them.
God I wish I was him.
...
"Hey man, you wanna hang out?" They snapped their fingers in my face, as I realise we're still sitting in the classroom, even though everyone else has left already.
"Oh...er..yeah!"
"...wait isn't today friday? You always hang out with Kevin on weekends," I rub the back of my neck.
"Oh don't worry about him, I told him I want to hang out with you this weekend!" They smile brightly. "If-If you're down of course!!"
I can't help, but chuckle at their little sentence salvation. They do it every time they're a little embarrassed. I can't believe no one else notices that about them...
"Aw, you're too sweet, love. What, were you planning to hook me into a threesome with you and Kevin or something?" I laugh and stand up to grab my bag off the ground to leave.
"No!! You dickhead!" They laugh so hard their face turns red. I love it when they do that..
I wish I was like them. They're so...pretty and sweet. Everyone loves them. Why can't I be like that..?
We headed over to their place. My family is always home so we can never go there. They'll just start interrogating them again.
"So, how's Kevin?" I ask, midly gritting my teeth. "Yeah, he's nice. Comparing to Adrian, he isn't such a misogynistic asshole, y'know..?"
"Oh yeah Adrian was a huge dickhead. Didn't he keep his pants up by having a boner 90% of the time instead of using a belt?" I laugh through my words.
"Oh my god, y/n!!" A light punch came to my shoulder and then laughter. afterwards
