A Small Part of a Huge World

An Old Friend

I don't think I like parties anymore.
  
   Everyone packed in the ballroom with their fake smiles and laughter. Twirling around in fancy clothing and jewelry. Pretending as if they don't burp, and hair doesn't grow on their legs. It's all ridiculous. What is even accomplished at the end of the night?

   I don't even care to know. What I do care to know is why I keep I keep going to them.
This one I'm at currently couldn't be more boring. Same ole music, same ole decorations, same ole dances. The drinks weren't half bad this time I must say.

   I am currently hiding on a balcony just off the dance floor. This was perfect for staying out of the sight of the people. Wouldn't want them roping me into conversation or worse a dance.
I'm not really dressed for this party anyways. All the girls are in their brightly colored oddly cut dresses giggling away in gossip groups.

   While I was in a golden silk v neck gown that flowed to my ankles, and showed off my shoulders. It was classy, and ironically matched the glass of champagne laced between my fingers. However it was quite older looking, but I like to think it scares the cat calling flirts away.

   The night air was cool and crisp. As the sky was cold and dark with the glow of stars dotting it. The outline of the trees and bushes are all that could be seen by the soft illumination. If only I could put this view in a glass and drink it, but I'm afraid I'd be drunk as soon as a drop fell into my mouth.

"How gorgeous."
I found the words slip through my lips.
"What beauty indeed."
A deep voice sounded behind me. I whip around to meet Markel's eyes or goggles for that matter. The man was wearing a solid black collared shirt with trousers that matched. A marun colored tailcoat with a golden tie and buttons also fitted his form. His top hat sat upon his crow colored hair which contrasted drastically with his pearly white teeth in his smile he flashed me.
 
  I scooted over on the balcony rail I was hunched over on to offer a place beside me. An offer he took as I glanced over to see his figure standing upright with his hands gently placed on his cane.

"It's been awhile."
I admit. Not wanting to meet the green hue of his goggles that keep his eyes hidden. Neither of us had seen each other cause neither of us had made the effort. He sighed as if to release the tension.
"It has hasn't it? We were at another party if I remember correctly."

   The one that changed everything forever. I thought quietly to myself although I felt as if Markel was thinking it too.

   "Remember when everything was different." I ventured. I couldn't help it. It was all that was on my mind. "When we could laugh as we rolled down hills, swim in the ocean with the fish, or just lay in the under the sun for hours. Those things seem so distant now don't they? Like it was all just something I imagined."

   Markel was silent staring at the sky.
"Sometimes I wish I was back in those days."
"But I know it's impossible."
Markel remained silent
It's true I wished that more than anything.
"You have no idea how much I long to breathe the air of the fields in my lungs. My legs long to run with my friends through the woods again. Playing and laughing all day long. Simple times they were, but simple they are no more."

   I heard him shift his legs.
He's probably staring at me. As if I cared. No one talks about it anymore, but it needs to be talked about.
"People get so angry about the past. When they should be furious at this damn future they made."
I spat the words relieved to have their bitter taste off my tongue.

   "Listen to you... You act as if your life is already over! Sipping champagne and talking about the good ole days as if they have already pasted!" He raised his voice in an aggravated tone.
I was shocked. This was not the cool toned Markel I know. 

    He sighed, calmed down, and continued.
"Let me tell you a secret Caerlion. Those good days stay around as long as you keep them around.
You can't decide when your life is over, but you can decide when you stop living it.
Sure sadness has a certain beauty to it.
So does the ocean.
You begin to sink seeing the light glitter on the waters above; Forgetting what it was like up there on land.

   Now you're in a stage where swimming to surface seems to difficult, yet sinking to the floor is t00 uncertain. So you find yourself floating
somewhere in between.
Seeing others happiness inflicts sadness to you, because feeling joy feels impossible.
It's a terrible place to be trust me I know.
Sadness is a habit and an addiction, but at it's core happiness is a choice. It's going to be so. Damn. hard. Caerlion, but it is so. Damn. Worth it.
Joy will come naturally to you with practice.

    When you swim to the surface of the the cold ocean the sun will warm your face, your eyes will fill with the beauty of this world, and your horizon will expand with possibilities endless." 

   Markel gave a soft smile at the sky then turn to me. Standing there with a world of wisdom, yet he holds himself with such grace. He adjusted his goggles
and chuckled at the expression on my face. It must have been'something of shock or realization or perhaps both.

  I had never thought of it like that before. Could I be addicted to this depression? It would explain a lot. Being stuck seems easier than getting out. It feels so impossible. This is all I've come to know. So, how do you get out?
 
  "How..." I mumbled barely above a whisper. "How do you get through it?" Markel smirked as he spoke
"You take it one day at a time. Celebrating the small victories and not dwelling on the past."

   The well dressed man leaned his cane against a pillar and stretched his hand out before me.
"So, are you going to waste the rest of the
night out here on this balcony or are you going to give me the honor of having this dance?"

   I snapped out of my daze.
Perhaps he was right, besides what's the harm in a litle dance?

    "How could I say no to such charm?"
I flashed him a playful smile as I slipped my hand in his. He grasped it firm, placed a hand on my waste, and spun me towards the dance floor.

   Our movements were uniform and in sink, yet loose and natural as we glided to the music. You could practically feel the glares and whispers of the other party goers. The infamous Caerlion Cheshire who has nothing better to do but party hop, with the darling Markel Maltis who has done so much for the colonies. What an unusual pair.

   I didn't care. Markel and I have known each other for years, yet I'd never danced with him like this. As clique as it sounds, it really felt as if it was just me and him. Everyone and everything else just seemed to fade away.

    He had grown into a great man with a mind that ventures deep in thought. I respect that in a person.
We had this mutual love between us. Not, one in a partner. Rather in a love for someone who is the same as you, knows what you've been through, and has come through it. It's a relationship would have never worked.

   His heart belongs to another woman just as mine belongs to the road. Yet I can enjoy this moment right here, right now, with not a care in the world. Perhaps, one day I can enjoy every moment like this. Until that day I shall keep my heart light, and dance on.