the red string

Its back that feeling is back. being bland and with a headache but this time it's different, maybe a hint of being upset ,nervous or maybe jealous. People might sympathize with " oh I had that feeling before" but no. It's not normal you are supposed to be two individual people who respect each other and trust each other. But when I give you all I have and I get nothing in return it makes me feel unsure. Like if I am not giving you what you want.

But when it's somewhere else it's different. You are all over and you talk with me like I am yourself. Talking like you have never had someone to talk to before. But why can't you give me a bit more? A look or a sign or.... A word. Maybe its just the fact you don't.. No you told me that you did.

Maybe all this time I've been happy with that word you said.. Has been a lie all long. Maybe I'm just overthinking, maybe it's the anxiety I hold. People say it's common but it's a long story right but maybe just maybe I can fall to that long dream I love so much. That hug I get that makes me feel like I can say a thousand words. So much just in one action  

I've told you over and over again that I love you. You tell me that you cry, no need to explain just know it will all be over when you say the same.

People like you and me all expect an awesome and happy life and you know what you have shown me . Each time I look at you or you walk by me I can see how peaceful you are in hopes I make you feel that way but probably not. I ask myself why are you so straightforward in text but when I ask you here face to face no response. You don't even look at me it's just like I am there only when you want me to be but you know it shouldn't be that way I'm giving you all I have why can't I just have at least a bit. Maybe all this time I've trusted your word it's just been me making it one step closer to me braking like I did when they did that to me.

I spend one day just looking at you. But yet again not even a glance you look at other people and I wonder if there's even maybe just a thought of me in your head.. Probably not, it's just a piece of fiction that I've been holding dearly on to it. Is it worth it? I really don't know.

Maybe all this time I just wanted for you to say it one more time. I love you too.

But now.. Now I know. Not wanting to accept the possibility of this happening made it worse...

You don't love me .