Napaangat na ako ng tingin sa kaniya ngayon. Para kasing may kung anong diin na sa mga salita niya.
Nang iangat ko ang paningin ko, kita ko ang pamumula sa gilid ng mga mata niya. Ang kamao niya ay onti onting nagsisiklop.
I can see the anger. I can see the thirst of freedom and the thirst of understanding.
"Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa akin ang lahat?" Tangi kong natanong.
Ipinikit niya ang mata niya. "Th-they are stopping me."
Kumunot ang nuo ko. What does he mean?
"Drixy gave a request on my parents. She wants us to date anytime she wants and of course I didn't agree on that. I have you. I want to be with you always and I can't go date her and gave you some nonsense lies. But..." Humingo siya sa pagsasalita. Inilagay niya ang kamay niya sa mukha niya. Parang hiyang hiya sa mga sasabihin. "Everytime that I'll say to Drixy that I don't want or everytime that I will ignore her messages, she's complaining to my mom."
Fuck.
What the hell.
Kahit kailan ay hindi ko naimagine ang ganito niyang rason.
Onti onti na akong naniniwala.
Sa sobrang ditalyado ng mga sinasabi niya, pakiramdam ko ay totoo talaga ang mga ito.
Halos dumugo na ang pangibang labi ko sa pagkaka kagat. I can't imagine that Clyde's suffering from all of this that days.
"Mom message and calling me. Threatening me using you." Mahina niyang sabi.
Ako?
Bakit ako?
"What do you mean?"
"She knows your farm in your province. She knows where you live and she knows that you are also studying in AU."
"So?" Mabilis kong dugtong.
"I don't know if she can do that but she said that Drixy's family can destroy you life and also your family." Kita ko ang pagmamakaawa sa mata ni Clyde. "I don't know what to do that time, Daph. I really don't know."
Umiiling iling siya habang sinasapo ang mukha. "Alam kong nakakahalata ka na noong mga oras na iyon na mayro'n akong ginagawang hindi mo alam pero mas hindi ko kayang masira ang buhay mo. I can give up my life. I can give up my freedom just for the sake of yours." Mabilis niyang hinawakan ang kamay ko na nakahawak sa mga kubyertos. "I'm sorry, Daph.. I'm really sorry."
Sa pag hingi niya ng tawad ay onti onting namumuo ang luha sa mata ko. "If that's true, you don't need to feel sorry. You didn't want to do that."
"I know that you will not believe me hundred percent but what I want is for you to listen. You didn't deserve to be left without proper and honest reasons."
Oo at isa iyon sa mga mahihirap na nangyari sa amin noon. Naniwala ako na pinagpalit niya ako. Naniwala ako na ako ang may mali.
Pero... Clyde didn't want to hurt me.
Maniniwala ba ako?
"I'm not the father of Drixy's child. The months before my graduation in states, I find ways to stop the marriage that will gonna be happen. I try to seek a hole about their company just to let my parents convince that Drixy's family can't help us, but... through my findings, what I found is Drixy meeting other guys. I don't care about that because I don't have feelings for her but when I found out that she's pregnant, I used that as my opportunity to leave that agreement."
Hindi ko alam kung gaano kahirap ang mga pinagdaanang ito ni Clyde.
Matagal na siyang nauuhaw sa kalayaan at pagmamahal ng mga magulang niya. Ang itali sa isang tao na hindi niya gusto ay isa rin sa mga dahilan upang mawalan ka ng gana na mabuhay sa mundo.
Tapos malalaman niya pa na nabuntis ang taong ipinagkasundo sa kaniya.
"Drixy announced to our family that I am the father of that child at siyempre, alam ko at sigurado ako na hindi ako ang ama no'n kaya pinaglaban ko at sinabi ko sa lahat ang mga iyon. Mom, as I expected, didn't believe at me, but dad, being conscience about my actions, he tried to investigate Drixy and that's the moment I proved to them that I'm saying a truth."
I kept silent. I let him tell me all his story because I can't swallow those information anymore.
Parang hindi ko kakayanin kung ako ang nasa kalagayan niya. Ang mawalan ng kalaayan ay mahirap, pano pa kaya kung walang taong naniniwala sa iyo?
"Mom can't take what Drixy did. She wants to survive our company but when she found out that Drixy's pregnant and not on me, she can't take to do the marriage anymore. She got heart attack because of the things happening between the threatening that is coming from Drixy's family and the probability of our company to fall." He bit his lower lip. Trying to be temperate. "Mom passed away and dad can't manage the company because of the conscience, so I am the one who took over. I don't want to do this but when mom said that she's sorry about anything happened, I can't abandoned the company she build for the sake of our family."
Ang kanina lang nagbabadyang luha ay tuluyan ng tumulo. Mabilis ko iyong pinunasan.
I am miserable when Clyde left me. All I know that time is that he left me to be with other woman.
Yes I didn't hate him. Yes it hurts me, but thinking all of what he is saying right now is true, it makes me wish to come back the time and I'll gonna stay by his side.
Ang paglalaban ng kung anong gusto niya, ang pagkawalan ng nanay at pag iwan sa kaniya ng kumpaniya na hindi niya alam ay isang napaka hirap na trabaho. Alam kong may iba't ibang klase pa siyang pinagdaraanan higit pa sa mga iyon at ang hirap isipin na ako ang nasa posisyon niya.
He did all of this... for the my sake.
He sacrifice his freedom just to give me my freedom.
If he abandoned his parents order, maybe the farm is not with us right now.
Ang isipin na nabubuhay kami ngayon sa hirap kung hindi dahil sa pagsasakripisyo ni Clyde ay kumukurot sa puso ko.
I am trying to convince myself to not fully believe on what he said, but... how can I do that? There's nothing information that can say that what he's saying is false.
At bakit naman niya ako sasabihan ng mga kasinungalingan uli? We're not attached to each other anymore. Wala siyang dapat patunayan.
"Please don't cry." Piniga niya ang pag hawak niya sa kamay ko. "Swear to all of the gods, I didn't say this to you to pity me. Yes I still love you, I don't think that one's leave, but... I respect you. I respect your decision. I'm sorry to all of the sudden things happened between us. I just can't help myself, but today that I already explain anything to you, I will distance myself if you say so, Daph."
What?
He will what?
Distance himself?
For what?
"I want to give you space to think, Daph. But... Just say to me that you want me near you, I'll be near you forever," aniya. Nakita niya yata ang pagtataka sa mukha ko.
Yes I want him near me.
Yes I want to be with him forever.
It's funny to think that I can't be with other people, even with Paul because I am really crazy over him.
But... How can I say it? I don't wanted to be look desperate.
Kabanata 61
Start from the beginning
