Pain & Gain

Chapter 2

"I'm so sorry this happened." I say, with difficulty. "I just want you to be okay. I want you home with me. It's so hard to be alone. That's why I don't go home." Even more tears manage to pour down my face. "I can't be there when you're not there. I love you, Marshall. So much."

It's hard to see through my own tears but I know he's upset. I blink away as much as I can. When everything comes back into focus I see Marshall's tear stains. I've made him upset now. Good job. Another tear escapes his eye, and there's movement on the bed. His hand slowly raises from the sheet and brushes away a couple tears from my face. His palm rests at the base of my ear while his thumb rubs my cheek. I turn into his hand and place a long kiss to his palm. He drops his hand back to the bed and his breathing quickens. That must've been hard for him.
I sit there for a few minutes, crying at everything I see. Marshall's hand turns palm up on the bed and extends his fingers. I place my hand in his and he gently wraps his fingers around mine.

"This sucks." I say.

Marshall half smiles and nods once. We sit like this for a minute, me crying and him just looking sympathetically up at me. I whisk away the remainder of my tears. I have to be strong now. I can't be crying all the time. Not in front of him, it just makes him upset.

"Rule told me about Italy." I say quietly to him.

Marshall's eyes widen and I can see the concern across his face. His hand tightens around mine in a comforting way. He shakes his head a few times.

"It's okay don't worry about it." I tell him. "When you're better we'll talk."

His muscles relax. The worried look is still on his face. God I want to kiss him. I sit there again and he holds my hand, staring at me. Our eyes lock and my subconscious kicks off her sandals and goes swimming in those two deep blue oceans. They're darker now, like sapphires. I could get lost in his eyes, and I wouldn't care if I ever came back.

"Do you want to see Rule?" I ask, not knowing what else to do.

Marshall moves his head for no and tugs on my hand. He wants me to stay. I want to stay. Marshall's opposite hand raises and his fingers brush his throat. Then he points over to the counter where there's a case of water bottles.

"Water?" I ask.

Marshall squeezes my hand as if to say please and then nods. I release him momentarily and grab a bottle from the counter. I undo the cap and pass it to him. He easily drinks the whole bottle. Well I guess that's what three days of no food or water does to you. He hands me back the empty bottle and I put it on the counter. As soon as I'm back, his hand is extended waiting for me to take it. I comply and put my hand back in his. Once again his fingers wrap around my hand, careful not to let me go.

"I really think Rule wants to see you." I tell him.

Marshall nods and opens his mouth to speak, nothing comes out. I try to get up but he pulls me back down. I don't know what he wants. It's hard when he can't talk. But the nurse said he'll get used to it. At least he understands what I'm telling him. I look down at Marshall in the bed again. I examine his entire body, or at least the parts I can see. Even in this state I find him beautiful. My eyes travel all over him and I hold his hand tight, making sure he knows that I am here.

"He's paying for it all you know." I tell him about Rule. "He wouldn't have it any other way."

Marshall rolls his eyes in response to Rule's generosity. It's true Rule pays for his fighter's medical needs because it's in the contract. But this, this is a friend taking care of a friend. A brother taking care of a brother. They've known each other too long to be considered anything else. Especially since they started boxing together.
Shit, fighting. What if Marshall wants to keep fighting? Even after this? My stomach knots. He can't, he just can't. I realize what I'm thinking is absolutely crazy. He can't go to Italy. What if he gets hurt there and I'm here? Jon is not in Italy. It's safer for him there. The thought makes me sick but it's true. Jon is here, not there. Marshall would be away from him for six months. That's good. He needs a break from this. He needs a vacation. Even if that vacation ruins me, if it's what he needs I will do it. He'll try to say no...
My thinking is interrupted by Marshall pulling on my hand. He has a confused look on his face. I know I look mad. Or at least sad. I know he wants to know what I'm thinking. He always does.

"You want to know what I'm thinking, don't you?" I ask him.

He nods yes.

"I'm thinking about you." It's not technically a lie. "I want you home."

He half smiles again and squeezes my hand. It's all he can do. I wish I could do so much more than a hand hold. But I'm lucky I can do anything.

"Rule really wants to see you." I say, standing up.

Marshall pulls on my hand, but I can't leave Rule out there forever. Once I'm free from his grip I walk towards the door. I hear his struggle behind me. I reach the door and place my hand on the handle. Just as I'm about to push it open, a broken, beaten, voice speaks from the bed.

"Don't go."