Sharp Objects

chapter eleven

"Sit down here clove" says tallulah, indicating the chair to her right" I'll ask you some questions and you will answer with a smile. Simple enough, so let's have a go." She asks me questions after questions after questions, and I try my best to appear  happy and ' excited to be there', but every time tallulah tells me to do it again, my patience is tired even more. It is undeniable: I cannot smile if I don't want to.

In the end, I decide to pull a total' Cato' and storm out of the room, yelling and over turning furniture as I go. I storm  down the corridor, still wearing the towering heels that tallulah made me practice walking in,and shout endlessly, finally ending up on the sofa in the lounge. I kick of my heels one by one, launch them at the wall, as if I was throwing knives at a dummy. One of them manages to lodge in the wall panel,splitting the plaster indefinitely.

I can hear footsteps walking up the corridor, and I stand up and look down to see who it is. When I notice a familiar blonde bob and piercing green eyes that look bright to a human.

"Come on clove," says crystalline sympathy flooding her voice " tallulah's finished
I didn't think you would get anywhere further with her. So now we're on to actual content But first, launch."

"So we need to figure out an angle for you. Every tribute has an angle, or a kind of, personality, that they like to show the Capitol." Begins crystalline, taking a bite of goat cheese shaped like a flower."mine as you know was vulnerable and shy.and then I kicked ass once I picked up a spear. " she laughs,and I can't help but join in. Crystalline reminds me of Myself in a certain way. And I like it about her, however early she trys to wake me up. "You, you could be anything you wanted to be, because nobody knows what you are like
But we can definitely rule out vulnerable and shy. Nobody will ignore you with 10." I can't not smile slyly at that. She knows I won't foll anyone by coming across as a timid little mouse girl. They all know about  the small but deadly clove kentwell by now." So, we're just going to try and go through as many angles as possible and see which one is right for you. Sound good?"

I nod vigorously over my mouthful of bread, she claps her hands and stands up. " right, let's get started."

The first thing we try is sly and elusive . But,however hard I try,I can't help but be a general borderline arrogant career and flaunt my 10 in training. Next, we try sexy. But I'm awful at that, because I can't even take a compliment, let alone be arrogant in reply. And plus,I'm way too clumsy to look sexy in heels.

Then,finally,crystalline notices something. That I can be extremely sarcastic, without even knowing it, one minute, then be perfectly sweet the next. There we go, my angle is sweet but sarcastic. I like it.

"so,now that we've sorted all that out, you're free to go and do whatever!" Says crystalline happily " I'm glad we managed to find you an angle that really is you,rather then an act that you're trying to put on. Acting doesn't always work for people, so it's good to know that you can be yourself." I give her a rare genuine smile in return, and pick up my sketchpad.

Thanks crystalline, that really was useful, I might actually be able to get the audience to like me now!" I give her another smile, then turn my head to my half finished drawing of the Capitol from my window.

" clove,can I see your drawings?" I look up again, and crystalline is still there, staring at my pad with a puzzled look. I hand over my pad and she rifles through the pages, green eyes bulging with every new sheaf of delicate line work. " clove, these are amazing." She breathes" how did you learnt to draw like this?" Funny, this is exactly what cato asked me when I showed them to him.

Then she looks up at me,smiling again,and I return it , another genuine one. God, what's gotten into me today? A real smile from me is something hard to get.then her eyes stray to the bin in the corner, full to the brim with scrunched up drawings. "Hey,what's all this in the bin?" She says, and I panic immediately: she cannot see those drawings! it will give her the totally wrong idea and probably cause her to tell him that I like him or something.

Maybe I do like him?

No clove! You cannot do this! It's only another weakness!

I try to get to crystalline in time,but too late. She reaches out and takes one ball of paper in her hand, unfolds it, and the sky smile creeps on to her face immediately. " I think somebody has a little crush." She says, staring hard at me with those piercings green eyes.

Come on clove, be the emotionless heartless, vicious career girl, the one who doesn't care.

" why would you think that?" I say indifferently, turning away from her accusing stance. She turns the page around,raising her eyebrows and smiling slyly, as cato stares back at me from the paper.

" you can't deny it clove. I'm guessing the others in there are him too?" I just nod my head in complete and utter embarrassment. I can feel the red creeping up my cheeks.

" well, even if you don't want to admit it, I still think it's cute and-" and suddenly,stops dead.

"I could make it work for you.The Capitol will love the whole idea of star- crossed lovers in the arena! This is perfect!" Ahe jumps and squeals, and I pick up my pencil and hurl it at her. It pierces my drawing right through cato's skull, and I find myself hoping,however annoyed at myself it might be because of it, that it doesn't actually happen to him. I don't want cato to die.

" no!" I shout, running full pelt at her and then almost pinning her to the wall " I don't want him to know. Please  crystalline,do.not.tell.anyone. I mean it!"

I release her from the hold she rolls her shoulders slightly. "Fine" she buffs, frustrated. The suddenly, her face brightens "but I still think you two would be cute together." She sticks her tongue out at me, then heads out the door.

I slump down at the foot of my bed, defeated and utterly confused. And also,very,very ashamed.

Admit it clove. You like him, and you can't deny it.

Okay, so maybe I do like him,and maybe I've been an idiot for not recognizing it and getting rid of the feeling before now.but instead, I'm going into an arena with the guy I have a (probably quite major ) crush on, and I might have to kill him.

So that's it, I'm a sweet, sarcastic,walking disaster, that might actually be her future killer. Yeah, I'm really on cloud nine right now