The Carrero Contract - Amending Agreements (Book 2 of Contract Trilogy)

35

The visual of that little stupid furball in my head sets me off again and he just pulls my face against him once more, cradling me from sight as he takes me to the lift, past milling security, and finally deposits me inside. He stands me in the corner, so I can prop up against the wall, and gently strokes back my hair away from my soaked cheeks and uses the hem of his t-shirt to dry my face. Exposing muscled abdomen as he does so and it stops me crying for a moment to make me giggle absurdly—such a weird thing to do or use as a hanky and definitely not an Alexi thing. He strokes a thumb across my cheek tenderly and tilts my face to look at him. There isn't much in that face, but a softness in his eyes and a slight hint of gentle in his manner.

The loss of him around me is sobering and I blink around at my surroundings as it comes into view; tiredness rising up with the overwhelming emotions that hit me all at once. I feel like I have been body-slammed by a brick wall.

'I'll just be a minute.' He lets me go, turns around and pushes the door button so it opens again and disappears for a moment, leaving me here alone. I lean back against the internal wall and try to bring some calm back to my frazzled heart. Wiping my still damp face and sniffing back the dumb tears that just keep falling.

I push Feral's little one-eyed face out of my brain as another buckling pain hits me in the chest and shove it down with all that has ever hurt me in life. Bringing back a little composure and wrapping my own arms snuggly around me to give myself the comfort he has removed. I feel cold and start shivering, unsure how to combat all these crazy bodily reactions I am having. I just feel so disconnected.

Alexi reappears as the doors start to slide shut, catching it with his palm, seconds before closing, and pushes it back to come inside. He looks me over for a second before hitting the fourth-floor button and hesitates about coming close again. Seems he is coming upstairs with me anyway and I'm not sure if I want him to come back and cuddle me. I shouldn't be letting him console me this way.

He doesn't attempt to touch me this time, standing facing me, maybe second-guessing the likelihood I need another hug and leans against the wall, mirroring my pose. I just stare at the ground between us and take long heaving breaths to silence my own sobbing. Calming even while my soul fills up with icy emptiness and my head moves into the surreal state of dreamlike quiet that follows shock. I have suffered it many times, so I know the expected aftereffects like the back of my hand.

'You must think I'm really dumb ... crying over a stray animal I barely knew,' I utter at him, unable to look up and a little ashamed that I showed this side of me to anyone, let alone him. This is not how I react to things in life. I never cried over my own mother so why would I cry over a back-alley moggy that was about as pleasant to me as toothache? There is something wrong with me. The only time I ever had this type of extreme over reaction and heartbreak was the night Alexi broke me.

I am starting to feel detached as the numbness overtakes me and instead a sweeping sense of complete tiredness moves in. It douses all else out and makes me so heavy I just want to lie down. I know this is normal after something shocking you, and maybe I need to take a nap and let the surreal exhausted phase pass. Fighting the fatigue as it weightily falls over me like a fog.

Alexi regards me for a long moment, so much so I look up at him to see if he even heard me and catch those calm grey eyes locked on me. He looks thoughtful and strangely sobering.

'When Gino and I were around nine years old we looked after a stray dog we called Benny ...' He frowns at me, an air of cute boy crossing his face as though locked onto a happy memory of a pet he once loved. A tiny little hint of dimple as something in his mind's eye makes him smile just a fraction. I quieten myself down and listen intently, immediately drawn to the hints of genuine in him and captured by it.