The Carrero Contract - Amending Agreements (Book 2 of Contract Trilogy)

21

The drunker they all get the quieter and more detached I am. Not sure how to play people pleaser and social queen in this situation among genuine people. Regretting coming if this is a sign as to how my night is going to be. I just feel empty and so very sad.I have no goal or motive other than to just enjoy myself ... I don't know how to be like that. I never once had to take a look inwards and ask myself, what makes me have fun or how to be happy. My life has never been about that—it's always just been survival; Watching my back, planning my next move. Staying one step ahead of the game.

'You okay?' Mico moves up beside me and drops a drink in my hand as mine was empty and had been for a little while as I sober up with the reality that I shouldn't have come. I stopped drinking without wanting to draw attention to the fact by cradling an almost empty glass. I accept it, then discreetly slide it on the table as soon as he turns his eyes from me.

'Fine,' I give him a fake smile and watch Alexi as he leans over Gino to push Alessandra in the face because of something funny she said to him. There is a sibling quality in their behaviour and it just hits me low in the gut as my eyes sting with moisture. Even he has a side that can function with normal people—Satan can gel with humans.

I don't belong with these people. I never belonged anywhere.

I feel like I am in an alternate reality and just want to go sit alone in the back and let the effects of the booze I have drunk wear off. I feel too floaty and surreal and that just makes me emotional and depressed. Insides churning up horribly.

Drinking this much is a bad idea, I should have learned that from the last time I was drunk around Alexi. Drink and I do not go well together, or hand in hand in any way. It rips out my solid foundation and leaves me teetering weirdly between outright emotional outbursts and feeling strangely fragile. I lose my cold outer wall.

'What is it?' Alexi the bloodhound is on me now as Mico scrutinises my face and I sigh heavily, pasting on big, fake happy and shake my head, swallowing down all signs of anything amiss with the last ounces of strength in me.

'Nothing, I'm just quiet when I'm with people I don't really know.' I lie and hope to God it seems genuine.

Alexi gets up and slides out of the aisle past us with a frown on that pretty face of his, tapping my arm and extending a hand to me which makes it obvious I am to take it. I can tell by the expression he's in no mood for refusals and I don't want a scene among these people. He wouldn't think twice about humiliating me.

I take it, cursing him for giving me no option other than to do so and momentarily close my eyes while taking a breath as he closes my hand inside his possessively. I let him pull me off my perch and drag me back to the plane seats we started in. He slides me in front of him quickly to sit back where I left my book, and he follows to close me in by sitting right beside me again.

'What's wrong?' He's on me as soon as I nestle into the seat, turning to me and caging me in by putting a hand behind my head on the rest and one on the table in front of me. Closer than I can handle him at any given time and I try to blank out how good he smells.

I can tell he's already slightly drunk and he seems different ... Softer. All that sadistic ice is harder to see under foggy grey eyes and a relaxed expression. It's unnerving coming from him. He seems more like Mico at this moment and yet a lot more invasive on my person.

'I'm fine, I told you.' I wave him away with a dismissive gesture and sigh heavily, turning to look out into the darkness of the sky. I am gripping onto my sense of okay with my fingernails and trying to give nothing away.

'You don't like my family?' He asks seriously, frowning at me, and I can't tell if he is annoyed by that fact, or just curious. He's being his usual self and giving nothing away about what he's feeling or thinking. Sometimes I just wish I had a little tiny inkling of what goes on in his head—just once.