I haven’t seen her in years but she’s often on my mind. Today at the corner store I hear ever so faintly “Brian?” I know that voice, could it really be her?! I turn to my right and there she is. Are my eyes playing tricks on me, can it really be Jamie? I pause with my heart beating in my chest, palms sweaty beads of sweat on my forehead rolling down. A smile lights up my face a smile I cannot control. I walk towards her as she reaches for a hug. She grabs me and holds me tight saying “hello Brian I sure miss you!” I am at a loss for words as I have loved her since the day she walked out. She left me because of my ego. She begged and begged for me to take counseling but I, being the man I am, refused and it has haunted me since. She pulls away and I see her wipe a tear from her face. I reach for her hand and she pulls it back swiftly. I pause then I tell her I am sorry for the pain I caused her. I explain i have not been happy since the day she walks out that door. I tell her I remember the last word she spoke that make me cry every time I remember. That day so many years ago she was leaving my life for good. She opened the door and turned to me. She starred at me and said “you never even tried to make me stay” she then closed the door and was out of my life for good. I was on the couch hearing the pain in her voice and started to cry harder than I ever cried in my life. It was then I realized I made the biggest mistake of my life. It was at that point I went for counseling. It’s been 3 years and I am still in therapy. I reminded her of that day as tears well up in my eyes again. She hugged me again saying “Brian I forgive you I love you and I never stopped loving you. My life has been crap since I walked out that door that cold morning.” We exchange phone numbers and I return to my car. I start to cry again and prayed to god “thank you lord for returning Jamie to my life. Please guide me this time lord I can’t live without her again”.
We have enjoyed 2 days of talking. She has always enjoyed my neediness and my clinginess. She as well is the same. We agreed to meet at the local coffee shop. I stepped out of my car and I look around. There she was at the door with that huge amazing smile, she ran to me and wrapped her arms around me squeezing so tight. At first I didn’t hug back but she reminded me “Brian its me hug me” I wrapped me arms around her and pulled her as tight as I could. We embraced each other for a few minutes. Oh how I love the smell of her hair, she leans back, our eyes meet and she grabs my neck for a kiss. We kiss then pull away and she said “We need to talk Brian” Now I always hated when she said we need to talk. The last time she said we need to talk is when she asked about us going to counseling and I said no and ruined it all. So with the pit of my stomach in knots we walk inside hand in hand. We sit next to each with our bodies turned towards each other. We start to talk about the old times. So many fond amazing memories. She then reminds me that we are not who we used to be, we don’t do the same things we used to do that brought so much happiness. I tell her we can build new memories. She tells me that she does not want new memories she wants the old memories. I told her that I need to replace that last time she walked out that door and broke my heart. She said “Brian I forgave you years ago for that day so please stop holding onto that” I tell her you say that but I will forever regret that day. As we sip our coffee we are talking about our home life. Its then she realized now is not the time for us. She tells me we need to stay on our current path and getting back together right now will upset the corse of time as we currently know it. I try and try again to have her change her mind. She is stuck with her train of thought. I lower my head and I say “I have always trusted so I will trust you on this.” She stands up and says “Brian we need to go ahead and end this now” A small tear rolls down her cheek. She walks towards the door and I grab her, spin her and give her one last kiss. The passion in her kiss has always been so amazing. She wlkas to the door, she is standing with the door open, she turns to me and says “Brian you have alwys been the love of my life, I will never love another like I loved you, now is not the time for us but one day it will be, until then I love you, so very much” She walks out of my life once more, this time I know one day I will have my one true love back, for good. This time the tears are tears of happiness and joy not pain and misery. I sit back down and think on this moment, it ended much better than last time. I can picture us one day old and grey sitting in our rocking chairs holding hands talking about how our life has been. I hope that she is the one that put me in the ground, and that my last days were spent with her by my side.
