Heart's Desire

Chapter 15 - Monty

Then he pads over, a little shaky, and lies down at my side.

All the tension in my heart melts away, and a strange feeling—like honeyed sunlight—floods my mind.

I take a deep, slow breath and let the feeling fill me, from the tip of my tail to the tip of my nose, and finally I find a name for it. It's a kind of quiet, simple joy. Something about Kit and the way he just fits with me makes me indescribably happy.

Happier than I've been in a long time; maybe even in my whole life.

Then my happiness dims as a cloud passes over that honeyed sun.

He trusts me.

Maybe he'd even love me, if I let him.

I can't risk that.

Like my dad used to tell me every time I brought a stray or injured animal home: "You can't keep it, Monty. You can help 'em, but then you gotta let 'em go."

It's the first thing my first boss taught me on my first day as a bodyguard: the feelings aren't real. People in high-stress situations, relying on someone else to keep them safe, naturally develop a kind of emotional dependency. Sometimes they mistake that for something more. Once the situation's over, though, the feeling fades and they move on—no harm no foul. The danger comes when the bodyguard falls for it. When they believe they're loved for more than doing their job. Then they get hurt.

I only fell for it once. The last time.

You could say I learned my lesson.

Still, there's something different about Kit. It's like he's... made for me, almost. If I didn't know it was impossible, I'd almost think...

Kit lets out a long, soft breath, and then I feel him Shift.

In place of the little fox, his human form lies curled against my fur. Slowly, he sits up and rubs his eyes, like he's just waking from a long nap.

He takes in my Wolf form, and his eyes widen. He's only seen my wolf once, and he was barely conscious at the time.

"Monty... You're so big," he whispers wonderingly, and strokes my fur.

If I were in human form, I'd be blushing, which makes me reluctant to Shift. Trouble is, I can't talk to him like this.

Rising, I get carefully to my feet. My head is almost level with his, even when I'm on all fours, and he takes an involuntary step back. I gently nudge his bare chest with my nose, then circle around behind the large pine. I don't like people watching me Shift.

Maybe it's because of my size, but it always takes me a little longer than my brothers and sisters, and 'the between,' as Wolves call the process of our transformation, is nobody's best look.

Some minutes later, I take a few deep lungfuls of air, leaning my hand against the tree-trunk to catch my breath, before stepping around it to rejoin Kit.

He stares, and I hope he's not going to repeat what he said before. I resist the urge to cover myself with my hands. Kit's not ashamed, so why should I be?

Besides, I'm staring, too, because Kit is beautiful.

Sun and shadow dapple his bronze-toned skin, and his honey-gold curls are tousled in charming disarray. His dark eyes shine with a soft light while mine drink in the shape of him. Thanks to good food and plenty of it, he no longer looks half starved. Instead, he looks like a young god, slim and toned—a little fox in human form.

For the first time in a long time, desire stirs to life like coals stoked in my belly. My heartbeat quickens, and when I look at him, I see something I'd like to call mine.