June

Chapter 1

I did something, I did something I'm not supposed to do.

Someone knocks on my door. When I open it, I see the biggest surprise in front of me. I'm saying this literally because April is dressed as a big present and she is holding the smallest tree you will ever see in your whole life. This is the first time I have seen her in 6 months. She lives on the other side of the country so it's hard to see each other during the week. I know I'm supposed to be happy to see her but this time it's different. Something happened, something terrible happened. April is the kind of person who gets excited over the smallest things way too easily, especially Christmas. She starts singing Christmas songs in September and sets up her Christmas tree as soon as halloween is over. I need to protect April so I will need to fake my happiness. April has no idea of what I did and if I tell her, which I won't, it will ruin the holidays for her and I can't let that happen, ever.

This afternoon April will meet Thomas for the first time. Thomas is my best friend but also the person I lost my virginity to. It was great but I felt so guilty afterwards. April doesn't have to know, we have been together for almost a year and I don't want our relationship to come to an end. April is asexuel which means she doesn't have sexual attraction to other people, it doesn't mean that if you are asexual that you can't have or want sex but in some cases it does mean that that person never wants to have sex. She is one of those people and I totally respect that but I can't live like that forever, I need sex and it sucks that I can't have that with April. I don't love Thomas the way I love April but life is hard without her and Thomas made me feel less lonely.

April wants to bake brownies for Thomas before we meet up so we take the ingredients and start baking. I forgot about my problems while baking, it was really fun. We threw flour all over the house and each other and we laughed until we couldn't breathe. We forgot about time and by the time the brownies were out of the oven, we were already 10 minutes late. We rush to the coffee shop with the hot brownies in a tupperware and arrive 20 minutes later than planned. Thomas is already sitting at our favorite place and the minute I saw him, my nerves started to kick back in. This is the first time I've seen him since, euhm, well, since you know what, happened. I don't even have time to let it all sink in because April runs into the coffee shop to give Thomas a big hug. The hug was so intense that you would think that they know each other for ages when in reality, they have never seen each other before. After the big, tight hug she gave the brownies and we sat down to talk. It feels so weird to see Thomas talk to April when we almost ignore each other. It's like I'm not even in the same room as them. Thomas suddenly turns to me and asks:

"What about you June, what have you been up to lately?"

I wake up from my 'daydreaming with June' moment and mumple to him

"Nothing special, just some everyday stuff..."

I look away and pretend like nothing happened, just like Thomas.April notices that I am not acting like myself and proposes to leave. We decided to meet up next week to celebrate Christmas and then we left.

When April and I arrived at home, she turned to me and asked:

"You weren't being yourself, you were acting weird, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, just a little bit tired, nothing to worry about."

She gives me a weird look but doesn't go any deeper into the conversation and we go straight to bed without saying a word.