The Unknown

Ch. 22 - Headache

A few days later, after helping your mom move into her new apartment, you went back to Hokkaido to begin your second and final year of your master's program. The way you and Choso had ended your conversation felt unfortunately familiar.
Choso began mostly avoiding you yet again. You were incredibly tired of the hot and cold but continued to reach out as you worried about his well-being. You weren't going to give up on him yet.
Sometimes you were able to get a hold of him which would lead to deep, heartfelt conversations about the past. A phrase that hit you the hardest from him was "I miss the smell of dinner being cooked for my whole family under one roof." It really brought to light the tragedy that was Choso's life. That made you want to help more than ever, mind thinking more and more to the castor beans that hid in your disk drawer.

"You picked up," you noted as soon as the dial tone stopped. This was your fourth call of the day to Choso. You were worried it was about to be another day of silence, a type of day that came a bit too often for your liking.

"Yeah," he answered through a slight, low-toned laugh. "I'm sorry I missed your calls."

"That's okay," your heart fluttered simply from his answer. Any time you heard his voice, the last sentence of your last conversation in person rang through your head: I missed my moment to love you the right way the first time. You took that to heart with nothing you could do about it from hundreds of miles away. "I'm just glad to hear your voice."

"You're sweet," he breathed into the phone, a signal of a small smile that you wished you could see. "How's school?"

"It's fine, just getting through it," you answered in short, "I'm more curious about you."

The silence was deafening. You weren't sure how long to wait for an answer and were about to speak up again but he finally began to talk.

"Eso's sick."

"You're kidding," your breathing hitched. Not again.

"He's been sick for the past two days. He was admitted this morning...and it's the infamous 'disease.'" He made sure to add the sarcastic tone.

"How are you holding up?" You asked quickly, worried he might spiral again like he did with Kechizu.

"If I'm honest...I'm feeling numb," he answered simply and with very little emotion. "It's my turn next. No idea why he saved me for last."

"Don't say that," your voice quivered. As you continued your conversation you used your laptop and booked a flight back to Tokyo. You had to get home as soon as possible.

"Ya' know, when they finally cremate me and my DNA's been spread through the garbage behind Dad's house, I hope you'll miss me. I hope at least one person will miss me." His voice sounded just as numb as he said he was.

"Please don't say those things," you felt a knot welling in your throat as you entered your credit card information. You were lucky that there was a flight in a few hours. You'd have to gun it to the airport, but it would be all worth it seeing as this conversation was quickly heading somewhere unpleasant.

"God...I hate that I keep putting you through this stress," he sighed heavily into the receiver. "I'm a burden, alive or dead. What is someone supposed to do in that situation?"

"You're not a burden alive," you stated sternly. You pressed your phone into your ear using your shoulder and pulled out a suitcase, tossing articles of clothing into it without caring about any folding.

Choso laughed, "please, Y/N, I'm a constant headache to everyone around me. Do you know how many times Satoru's threatened to kick me out?" He sighed as you remained speechless. "You've always been so kind to me, saying such nice things. It makes me feel so guilty and cheap."