Eyes of the Blood Moon

Addiction

"Lettie Lutz..." he finished for her, "I played...Lettie Lutz."

"Right. I was right in the middle of," Ella sighed feeling her eyes begin to sting, begging herself to keep the tears down, "right in the middle of From Now On. It was the end of the show, and I..."

"You collapsed," Paul said, looking at her reassuringly.

Ella just nodded looking away again.

"We feel...subjected to be this perfect being all the time, especially in the bible you uh, you see it a lot. It makes you feel like you need to be perfect, but even Jesus, the very hand of God, wasn't perfect we know that. So...we try to do what we can, to look and feel perfect," Paul told them, stuttering slightly as he always did.

Ella shook her head. "It was never about my body. I did it, so I could feel some sense of control. A safety net. I knew all the wrongs to it, but in my life, with my parents always gone and...well Bev at school, I wanted to feel like I had control over something for once. That I could be in charge. So...I didn't stop. I didn't want to," she sighed.

Paul looked at her proudly, "you see Ella? Opening up, sharing with us had helped us, and hopefully you, understand your addiction. That's the first lesson. Understanding, isn't that right Riley?"

Riley nodded, giving Ella a smile as well. "Els, um, the first thing about, addiction, is learning to understand the "why". For me, the "why" was just an addictive voice in my head. The way drinking made me that voice feel, was why I kept going."

Ella nodded thinking over her own situation. She had never been to a session like this...the only was she went to were with strangers. But knowing even her closest friend had gone through something similar, it brought some comfort.

Father Paul and Riley did most of the talking the rest of the night. Ella listened and watched, connecting what she could to herself. And then, the hour was over.

"I think we made some progress here, you two. I'm proud of you, and I-I know Monsignor would be to," Father Paul said as they all stood and got their coats on.

"Yeah...yeah me to," Riley replied. "You were right Father, it was a good idea."

*****

Father Paul watched as Riley and Ella walked towards the doors together. He felt unclear about their relationship. They had been great friends, he knew that, but since Riley had come back...he sensed something more was going on between them. He hated to admit it, but he didn't want that to be the case.

"How's your arm?" He heard Riley ask Ella.

"It's fine now. Doesn't sting too bad anymore," she replied.

Paul felt hurt, knowing what he knew. Knowing she had gotten hurt because of...

No. He told himself. He couldn't think like that, that wasn't apart of the plan. He knew what he had done was right. It was what he was told. And just because Ella was hurt now, didn't mean anything. She would be saved, just as the rest of Crocket soon would be. It was just an unfortunate liability.

But why didn't he believe that?

*****

"I guess I'll see you at the worship tomorrow?" Riley asked Ella as they stopped outside her house.

"Yeah, yeah I'll be there," Ella replied.

Riley hesitated for a second, seemingly about to say something before shaking his head and turning away.

Ella watched him go, a bit worried about what he had to say but decided it must not have been important so she turned to open her front door.

"Is something going on between you and the Father?"