The Unknown

Ch. 19 - Pain

"I've been living every day like this," his voice stayed low, "every day just getting high, feeling nauseous, the headaches...all of it..." He paused for a moment, calculating what he was going to say next. "Y/N," he looked up at you with a sense of innocence, "I just want to be dead." The sentence silenced you, pure shock covering your face. "I've been too cowardly to just off myself...and the one time I work up the balls to do it...you call a goddamn ambulance."

"You can't do that," you tried to get out but it came out a bit too quiet.

"I just want to be dead," he repeated, his eyes glossing over with each passing second, "I just want to be dead..." You couldn't think of what to do next. All you could do was rush into him and enclose him in a tight embrace. His head fell against your shoulder as his body was wracked with sobs.

After a few silent moments in your arms, he shoved you away and continued storming down the sidewalk.

"I don't love you," he turned back while still walking, "and you're not my sister." You stood still and watched him continue on his own, mind still processing his words. He wanted to hurt you.

When you snapped out of your trance you walked behind him at a distance to the station, contemplating what to do next.
You realized how much his words impacted you and you decided to go home instead of following him back. You made sure to take a separate train, texting Satoru to take care of him when he finally made it back - should he make it back after taking another pill.

"He may be your brother, but you don't have to give a shit about him," Akira chuckled with you as you all sat down for a movie while eating dinner. "How dare he treat you like that?" You hadn't told her the whole truth, not wanting to disclose such a scandalous relationship, but you managed to convey your frustration accurately despite.

"He sounds like a piece of shit, a damn train wreck," Utahime said with her mouth full as she sat cross-legged on the floor at the coffee table. You and Akira sat on the small couch behind her as the glow from the television was all that lit the small living space.

"I just don't believe him," you repeated for what seemed to be the millionth time. "There's no way he can just randomly do a one eighty and decide he hates me."

"But isn't that what happened when you moved in? You said you hated each other and then the wedding happened and then," she snapped her fingers together, "boom, you're the best of siblings. It sounds like it's all just him and his problem if you ask me." She took a sip from her glass of wine.

"Yeah, but you should have seen his expression..." you mumbled as your brain created the image once more, "for just a moment its like it was turned off. Like he's putting on some type of act."

"Acting like an asshole," Akira rolled her eyes toward you, "whether he's making it up or not, there's no excuse for being a dick for no reason."

"Sure," you answered, looking down at your own glass that sat between your hands. You took a sip and allowed the burning liquid to take over, trying to keep him from your mind.

Choso's POV (Third Person Omniscient)

It was beginning to get hard not to use more. Just one pill wouldn't cut it and more than three was too dangerous. Then again, Choso couldn't find any motivation in himself to carry on. He had failed his brothers and he'd corrupted his innocent step-sister.

He just wanted you to stay safe and away from him. The only way he could do that was to make you hate him. He knew that if he just continued saying that it was better if you removed yourself you wouldn't do as he said. It was the only way.

Choso somehow made it home, the single pill not enough to completely inebriate him like it used to. Satoru sprinted from the couch to greet him as he stumbled in through the front.

"Dude, the fuck? The hospital called to make sure you were okay. You're lucky that's all they did..." Satoru scolded, a worried look filling his baby blues as he stood, looking down at Choso who peered upward through low eyelids. Choso suddenly grabbed Satoru by the t-shirt, his grip tight and wrinkling the fabric. 

He wanted so badly to punch him but he was able to hold back despite the tensions that remained from past band drama. Inter-band relationships were never a good idea and just as one would expect, it nearly tore the band apart a year ago - before he ever knew Y/N existed. When he finally met you, that's when tensions started to settle and the band was able to get along just as they used to. You were always his saving grace.

"I'm fine," Choso loosened his grip, feeling all sorts of mixed up from the barrage of emotion and drugs. He turned to enter the den where he had been staying, but Gojo grabbed him by the wrist and yanked him back in his direction. "What do you want?" Choso hissed, snatching his wrist out of his friend's grasp.

"You got to quit that shit before I kick you out," Satoru's gaze was threatening. "Stop putting everyone through this." His phrasing stabbed Choso who's chin began quivering. He turned away, embarrassed to be crying in front of Satoru.

"I was trying to kill myself so I could stop," Choso muttered, turning toward the den again. Satoru quickly shut up and cleared his throat. "I'm tired of being a burden."

"I...didn't mean it that way," he backtracked, "we all just want you to be okay. We don't need to lose another Kamo. We need you here."

"Yeah, sure," Choso sighed, shutting the door behind him and leaving Satoru standing alone with his poor choice of words.

Now alone, Choso plopped down on the sofa and turned on the television to something random - just background noise.
His mind felt fogged from the pills, removing them from his pocket and placing them on the nearby end table. He was tempted to take more but chose differently to satiate his needs.
He pulled out his cell phone and stared at the contacts screen. The name "Yuki" glared at him as he blinked hard in thought, the same woman Y/N had caught him with that one night. She wasn't the only woman willing to sleep with Choso. He had quite a few contacts of willing escorts who gave themselves to him for free.
He did have one option that interested him the most...one that he had romantically been involved with before Y/N ever came along, the bandmate. He wondered if that could be a proper distraction so long as it didn't tear the band apart...again.

AN: This about to be the weirdest ship, but IDC. (satosugu 4ever though...just needed him for the plot c: )

"Geto." The name stared at him on the screen but with a more intense pierce than that of Yuki's.

About two years ago, he and Geto were in an intense relationship behind the scenes and when a certain affair with another certain member came to light, the pair split which nearly tore the band apart. Since then, the topic had been avoided and, quite honestly, banned from discussion. For all Choso cared, Geto could still be fucking Satoru.
Any sort of talk between the two alone was awkward and forced, as if there was something worth discussing but never came to light. Band practice was always tense, Shoko having to be a mediator of sorts.

Choso's fingers hesitated over the buttons, his mind racing with contemplations. He knew that he shouldn't, but his body needed it...and he couldn't call you...

"Hello?" Geto's light, smooth voice answered - confused to be receiving a call from his bandmate. It was the first phone call they had shared in months, everything else just being one worded texts about the rehearsal schedule.

"Hi," Choso answered back, voice rough with emotion. "Can you come over?" The line was silent for a few extended seconds.

"What for?" Geto asked though he had an inkling.

"I need you."