Thunderbirds/Red Dwarf: It's Cold Outside

It's Cold Outside

John had a whacking great headache. As he slowly came to, he sat upright, hearing the sounds of raised voices crowding around him.

"Is he alright?"

"Who cares? I feel the more appropriate question is: who the smeg is he?"

"And how did he get on our ship, that's what I wanna know!"

"Perhaps he arrived through a time hole of sorts? His attire suggests he's from the late 21st Century and the matter scanner shows this boy is indeed human."

"How long we gotta stay here staring at the kid for, anyway? I got more important matters to attend to!"

"Styling your chest hair doesn't qualify as important, Cat."

"Tell that to my attorney, hamster cheeks."

John opened his eyes to see two largely flared nostrils and a pursed mouth bearing down on him. Momentarily taken aback, he let out a cry and covered his head to protect himself. A chuckle caught his attention and he found himself uncovering his eyes to address his audience.

A very familiar audience.

"Explain yourself right now, young man." the sharply dressed man leered at him. "How did you get onto our ship?"

"Uhh..." John stared up at the four men in shock, mouth agape.

"Chill your beans, Rimmer. He's just a kid." the man dressed in black leather laughed, offering his hand to John. "Don't worry mate, we're not going to hurt you or anything like that."

"Sorry, I-" John was more confused than ever. "This can't be possible..."

"Are you alright, young sir?" the mechanoid asked kindly.

"You're... the Red Dwarf crew!" the teenager gasped. He pointed to the man with the Liverpudlian accent. "You're Lister! David Lister! And the guy in the fancy suit is Cat!"

"You must have taste if you know that." the extravagantly dressed man interrupted.

"And you-" John pointed to the mechanoid. "You're Kryten 2X4B-523P! Don't ask me how I know your surname, I basically challenged myself to learn it because Gordon was teasing me and-" he stopped himself from waffling on, turning to the hologramatic man. "You're Arnold Rimmer! My favourite character!"

"How do you know who we all are?" Rimmer asked with a frown.

"You're from a British television show called Red Dwarf! John enthused, "It's like, one of my favourites!"

"A TV show? Get outta town." Lister dismissed with a wave of his hand.

"It's true! Don't ask me why I'm here because I really don't know myself but... wow!" John let out an excitable sigh, spinning around on the spot. "I'm on a spaceship! A real spaceship! This must be Starbug!"

"How does he know so much about us?" Cat asked, turning to Kryten. "He's just some kid!"

"I'm sure I don't know, sir."

"Well what should we do about him? We can't just let him roam the ship!" Rimmer hissed.

"It seems Mr Lister has already decided to take the boy on a tour of the cockpit, Mr Rimmer, sir." the mechanoid put in.

Rimmer turned back to see Lister with his arm around John's shoulder and groaned. "Oh for smeg's sake."

~~~~~

The next few hours were some of the most insightful John had ever experienced. He'd been taken on an entire tour of the spacecraft and was now talking to the crew about their adventures. As he listened to Rimmer's story, he heard a faint voice call his name.

"Johnny. Johnny!"

"He didn't hear you. Try again!"

John tried to shake off the voices and focus on Rimmer's anecdote, but the noise persisted.

"Johnny! Wooooo! Johnny! Don't make me get the water!" A pause. "Alright, get the water, Alan."

"Why do I have to do it?"

"Because I just said so."

The sound of grumbling met John's ears. A few moments later he felt a brief sensation of water splashing over him, and the entire crew and spaceship disappeared before him.

John woke with a start, groaning as he felt a certain wetness coating his face. Wiping it off with the back of his hand, he looked up to see a grinning redhead perched over him.

"Happy birthday, Johnny!"

"Thanks Gordon..." John muttered, turning over his damp pillow. "What time is it?" he turned to his bedside table, the red dials glaring through the darkness of the room. "6am?"

"We woke up at five, Johnny." came a second voice. John saw Alan slowly emerging to his left, clutching his blanket. "Couldn't sleep 'cause of the rain."

"So we decided to give you an early birthday greeting." Gordon said.

John smiled and tiredly held his arm out to capture his younger brother. He pulled him in close and moved him onto the bed, gently spooning him. "I appreciate the sentiment."

Alan giggled and closed his eyes, knowing he'd definitely get some more sleep now that big brother John was protecting him.

John looked up at Gordon through the ambient darkness of his room. "We've got another hour before school. Come on, Gords, get in."

"But you're all wet!" Gordon pouted.

"No thanks to you two." John smiled through a yawn. "I was kinda hot anyway, I guess. It'll soon dry. Get in, squirt."

Gordon beamed and climbed down John's bed frame and into his brother's bed, curling up on John's other side.

Now content snuggling with his brothers, John closed his eyes with a smile. "Let's get back to Starbug."