The sleeping adeptus // Xiao x reader

Confession | 23

Xiao glanced at you, with his arms crossed, sitting down at a table below the Wangshu Inn. Your eye contact made him feel awkward, looking to the side. He cleared his throat "if you're not gonna discuss anything with me, you should be on your way." you smiled, almost more of a nervous one than anything else. "Sorry. I had already planned everything I wanted to say in my head, but now that I'm here it's like my mind has gone blank." He didn't really understand, all he did was just quirk his brow. Xiao didn't get it, why not just say it and get it over with. "For starters, I haven't seen you in so long. It wouldn't have been as long if you came to actually visit me when I was in mondstadt. Why did you just show up and leave?"
"There was no reason to stay, I was only there because I heard you were asleep. Once you woke up, it was clear you were perfectly fine." he explained, making you sigh. "And what happened to figuring out what happened three hundred years ago? It seems like everyone gave up on that" you commented, him keeping eye contact with you. "It takes time to figure things like that out, our moment will come." None of his answers were satisfying you. With this talk, it felt like you were so close, yet so far.

"Why.. why do you stay away from me? Us adepti have lived for so long, surely there's nothing more important you have to attend to" your brows were furrowed, and your voice was shaky. You would pause during random words, and exhale when finishing your sentence, making it clear you were emotional. Xiao watched your every move, his mouth practically sown shut. You just kept looking at him with that look. It wasn't a pitiful look, nor a sad one, more like a desperate one, wanting to grab onto anything. When he finally opened his mouth, it was like he forgot how to speak, any words just leaving his mouth. "Didnt you already ask that" he quietly spoke. This time is was your turn to stay silent.

You couldn't find an answer, no, you didn't want to. You forced yourself to move on from this topic, sucking in, not allowing yourself to breath out. "Xiao I love you." His expression barely changed, him looking almost pale and sick. "I have been for awhile, I tried telling you before but I was interrupted. Actually, to say awhile is an understatement, this was the only thing on my mind when I passed out on that battlefield three hundred years ago," you continued, him looking at you, his expression a mix of confusion, guilt and just overall scared. "I thought I was gonna die, that my mortal life saved by a tyrant meant nothing-" Xiao stood up, interrupting you. "You know he's not a tyrant." He stated, his voice suddenly louder than before. Silence fell for a second, no not even a second, a moment. That small moment felt like hours as your head spun with uneasiness.

"I have to go." Xiao started to leave his chair, you grabbing his arm. "Wait Xiao- please, let's talk this out I.. I need you." You pleaded, him looking at you. He stared at your desperate eyes, clear that his lack of understanding love was piercing you in the heart. He bit his lip, wanting this moment to end. He didn't want to hurt you, you were everything to him, his reason for hanging on. But then again, what does a sinner know about love? "Then.. the next time you need me, call out my name. I'll talk." He shortly said before vanishing in a dash of anemo. You let your, now empty, hand fall to your side. Your eyes started to tear up, as little drops rolled down your face, you roughly wiped the tears off your face, breathing with nothing but frustration. You look around as tears continued to fall, seeing the silent audience of mortals staring at you. You left, still being calm enough to not lash out at people. You finally got far enough, nothing around you but the nature of Liyue and the silence of the wind. You fall to the ground, gripping at the grass. Nothing felt more horrible than not having an answer, your mind spun, thinking of every possibility as your heart raced and your body shook.

You hit at the ground, barely any force as your fist went soft when meeting the grass. You silenced your sobs, hearing the sounds of a rolling cart. You look over to see people from liyue harbor selling lanterns to the locals. The lantern rite. You stand up, wiping whatever you can from your tear-stained face.

You just have to wait a little longer, then and only then

Will you call out his name,

Alatus, the one who put you asleep.