✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰
butttom:
zayn- *comes back after his break from the tour* it's so good to be back here singing with my four best mates who i missed very much louis *looks at the smudged writing on his hand* lamp...nike and horse???
✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰
nialllhoran:
all of this is happening because they didn't let niall sing at the start of one direction, he is going in for the kill and taking down the other members one by one
✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰
heliolisk:
I love seeing pawprints cause that means at some point a dog walked on that spot and then i think about dogs and its a good time
✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰
kingcheddarxvii:
judgmental farmer: why the heck did ya name yer dang horse Mayo, son?
my horse Mayo: *neighs*
super-massive-asshole:
What the fück?
kingcheddarxvii:
well pardner, I named my horse Mayo because horses are inclined to neigh, and "Mayo neighs" sounds like "mayonnaise" which is my favorite condiment. this kind of complex humor is hard work but so is farmin', and I get a good chuckle out of it. that's just the kinda farmer
✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰
alienswerve:
sometimes i pull my headphones out of my purse and they pull out things like chap stick, tampons, whales and like the whole country of russia like are you kidding me
✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰
mowwwg:
"you can't wear that!!!! people will get the wrong impression!!!"
the impression that i am a hot babe with an ass that just won't quit???? honey that ain't wrong that's just fact
✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰
homohighness:
"hey bro"
"yeah bro?"
"i wanna live in ur socks"
"hahah, why bro?"
"so i can be with you every step of the way"
"...oh m y god... bro :')"
✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰
broackobama:
what she says: I'm fine
what she means: i don't understand the concept of mermaid man and barnacle boy. are they supposed to be average sized humans? if they are then does that mean that spongebob and all the citizens of bikini bottom are actually human sized? how did they get so big? how come in the spongebob movie when spongebob and patrick are on the beach they are so tiny compared to david hasselhoff and the other people on the beach? are these regular sized human beings or are they actually giants? if they're regular size then why are mermaid man and barnacle boy so tiny? how did they get that tiny?
✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰
rehlaxe:
Have you ever really thought about how when you look at the moon, it's the same moon Shakespeare and Marie Antoinette and Van Gogh and Cleopatra looked at.
hotcommunist:
they all looked at the moon
they're all dead
the moon is killing people
wake up america
✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰
smithwestrns:
how are all these math classes going to help me become a new york it girl with a huge wardrobe and a boyfriend in an indie rock band that writes songs about me
✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰
astrolocherry:
how can u say u are not pretty when u are a cluster of stardust, a walking explosion of nebulas like there are constellations that knot your arteries together, you're beyond pretty, more like a spectacular sight for all of us
✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰
lonelystiles:
I feel so sorry for the girls that are 'anti-feminist' just to be considered 'chill' by guys because honestly like that's exactly why you need feminism, you still look to men to validate your self worth
✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰
anders-apostate:
Me: *Flirts with someone*
Them: *Flirts back*
Me: Oh shit, I never thought I would get this far. What am I supposed to do now?
✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰
asian:
me: I got shot 4 times
school nurse: lmao just put ice on it
✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰
grates:
petition for things to stop
✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰
