Misunderstood

PROLOGUE

Losing myself was the last thing i thought would ever happen. I don't know what i like anymore, how to be myself, how to laugh or smile. The only time you'd get that is if I'm high and I'm not talking about weed, more so pills. You'll never know what you had until you lost it. "My happiness."

After being found and everyone trying to get you to be the old you is hard. No one how hard it was to leave the one place that brought heartache and pain. I was so comfortable their because eventually i thought i would die their and wouldn't see what outside looked like. It wasn't my choice to start taking pills, they were given to me to make me numb from the sexual abuse and pain i was about to receive. Every time i was half sleep  feeling hands and heaviness all over me. Just the thought made me want to puke.

As i got out of my mind i heard my mother Tina calling me downstairs. I put my helpers in my secret compartment and walked out my room heading downstairs, as i turned the corner i seen my mother over the stovetop cooking tonight's dinner.

"Yes mama ?"

"Hey ju i just wanna talk to you for a moment nothing to serious"!

"um okay what's up."

"So i know it's been hard adjusting back to your normal life and routine but how would you feel going back to school to finish your senior year?"

"Um i don't know mama i don't think i'll be able to handle it honestly."

"I know darling i just want you happy, to make a change in your life, what i'm basically saying is i want what's better for you honey. You've been though so much at a young age and i don't want you dwelling on what happened to you and thinking it's your fault because it's not, no one would've thought that could've happened to you. I just want you to find peace within yourself again without the drugs and everything and i also wanna get you help. You have a whole life and future to plan and to make better."

As she spoke i started crying understanding every word she spoke and truth be told i wanna be the happy, bubbly Beyonce again. I wanna have friends to call when im bored or need entertainment. I just want to be normal again.

"I hear you mama and yes i want better i hate the way my mind is and i just wanna be a normal teen again." She pulled me into her embrace and hugged me as tight as she can and whispered in my hear everything would come together and would be fine. She kissed the side of my head pulling away from me smiling.

"I love you baby i really do and im sorry i wasn't there to save you from that place baby but it's time for a better mindset and thought process. I don't wanna come into your room seeing you lifeless sweetie. It hurts to know that you rely on it so much. But i love you and i know you don't wanna get to deep so go freshen up for dinner baby and come back to fill that belly."

I left to go upstairs slightly smirking know that my mom is so supportive with me thought-out everything that's happened. With her being so strong it's made me strong in a way to know she isn't dwelling on the fact that she lost her oldest daughter for a couple months not knowing if i was alive. Im thankful for my whole family being here for me honestly it feels good. Getting out of my head i washed my hands and walked down back downstairs heading straight to the dinner table seeing my mother setting the food and drinks down.

I sat there and waited for my father and younger siblings to reach the table so my mom can pray and dish out the food. As i started eating  Matthew wiped the corners of his month clearing throat before speaking.

"So Beyonce i thinks it's time for you get start therapy so you can get back to your normal self again."

Looking up from the plate i wiped my mouth "Uh okay when will i start," i responded instead of telling him I'll never be the same normal honeybee.

" Tomorrow I'll be contacting the family therapist to set an appointment for next week before you start school. Also i went into your bathroom and seen small bag of  pill's that I've never seen before care to tell me about that young lady"

" First of why were you in my bathroom that's invading my personal space and those same pill's you seen help me throughout the day"

"What do you mean help you, the only thing i see is you becoming a drug addict and i will NOT HAVE MY CHILD BECOMING A CRACKHEAD, DO YOU KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO MY REPEUTATION IF THIS COMMUNTIY FINDS OUT YOUR ON DRUGS BEYONCE ARE YOU SERIOUS!!." as soon as he started shouting tear's threated to fall from my eye's but i will not show that im weak in this moment especially not to him. My younger brother grabbed my hand tight under the table to calm me down knowing i will crash out and not give a damn!.

"Matthew have you lost your everlasting mind yelling at my child, knowing what she's been through you should be helping her instead of acting like an ass to her. I cant believe you right now apologies and i mean NOW!, my mother said as she spoke up against my father for me.

sigh " Beyonce I'm sorry i didn't mean to yell at you i just want what's best for you and your life and i just don't want the people talking about my family or looking at you any type of way."

" You don't think i don't want what's best for me huh you think this what i want to do. Having to depend on drugs, having to get though my days on them. This wasn't a choice for me, with them i don't fill pain i don't think as much, i go to sleep without waking up from my sleep thinking their coming for me again and ill end up back in that place. You don't even know half of the things i went thru and had to endure. The pain my body went though, hoping they'll just kill me so i don't have to keep going thought it. Almost every night the thought of killing myself crosses my mind so much. I cant smile because it feels like it'll just slip though my hands once again.  So please don't tell me how to get thru my days until you have the help to actually help me instead of running your mouth!." as i finished saying what i had to get of my chest i slid back out of my chair to throw my half eaten plate away and walked quietly back to my room and locked the door laying on my bed wondering why me out of all people had to go thru this.

I got up to go to the bathroom.  I picked up the small bag and just stared for a moment and sighed heavily. Popping two Xanax bars i hide them this time and cut of all the lights slipping my headphones on to calm me and slipping into a deep sleep wondering what tomorrow is gonna bring ....

  

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Hey yall i'm back chile. So i know this book is kinda different from my other books but i wanna try something different. This is just a draft i've had sitting for a couple months. I wanna see where this first chapter take me even if it's short. Feel free to comment your opinions and other things i do respond. My chapters will be longer so if it takes me a min to update don't worry it will be two in one day. My days i plan on updating on is Wednesday, Friday and and sometimes sunday if im already ahead.

~BeyNika 🩷

What do you think about beyonce?

Do you think her dad could've handled that differently?

Was her mom gentle enough ?