Reaching Forward

2

The sight of Derek Shepherd before her caused Meredith to grip the steering wheel until her knuckles turned white. She didn't know what to say or do, so she just stared. After several moments, Derek finally motioned in a circular pattern with his hand for her to roll down her window. As she nodded in response, she let out a long breath that she hadn't realized she had been holding. Pressing the black button on the side of her door, the glass frame no longer separated the former lovers.

Derek put his hand on the side of the car and peered in, "Are you all right? Where are you going?" He said all together in one breath. His eyes darted back and forth trying to figure out from Meredith's expression what was going on but all he got was a look of numbness.

Meredith quickly wiped her eyes of tears and started to fumble with her words, "I'm...I..." She just looked at him and his McDreamy expression of concern; that's when she knew she couldn't do this with him – at least not now. "I...I can't do this." Rolling up the window, she started the ignition and reversed out of her parking space and out of the lot.

"Meredith!" Derek called out to no avail and watched as her jeep disappeared. Looking back at the hospital and again to the direction Meredith had gone, he fished out his keys from his scrubs and started running towards his own car to follow her.

Meanwhile, Meredith skid into her driveway and swiftly exited her car. Running to the door, she dug in her purse for her keys. After finding them, she shakily put the key into the lock and turned the knob to enter her house. Throwing both her purse and keys to the floor, Meredith jogged up the stairs to her room and slammed door to her room. Putting her back against the door, she caught her breath for the first time since she left the parking lot. She closed her eyes and swallowed hard. Thoughts of her mother swirled through her mind; she remembered the day when they had their biggest fall out. It was right before her mother found out she had Alzheimer's.

Meredith remembered it as if she was actually reliving it.

"You're wasting your life, Meredith!" Ellis Grey's voice raged with fury as she scolded her daughter.

Meredith just shook her head in disagreement and rummaged through her closet until she found what she was looking for – her duffel bag. Throwing it on her bed, she went over to her dressers and began sorting through her clothes to get enough clothes to last her until she could come back to the house and get the rest of her things when her mother was at work, which would be soon considering her mother was never home and when she was she was always yelling at her like she was now.

Ellis Grey watched her daughter start packing her bags and went over grabbed her daughter's arm, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Meredith stared at her mother's hand around her wrist and quickly flung her arm out of her mother's grip. "What I'm doing is getting out of here to live my own life!"

After stuffing whatever she could into her bag, she zipped it up and put the strap over her shoulder and started heading towards the front door with her mother right behind her. Twisting the knob, she opened the door until she was stopped half way when her mother stopped it from opening any further.

Her mother's forehead wrinkled as her blue eyes stared at Meredith, "Not everyone can use a scalpel; but when a person has that ability, and I know you do you are my daughter after all; it will become the most important thing in your life."

Laughing, Meredith just grinned hysterically, "You're right, Mom, it was the most important thing in your life. I know I wasn't." With that, she pushed the door out of her way and walked out the door.

Not expecting her mother to say anything, Meredith was shocked at what she heard next, "You ungrateful girl! If I had never had a child, my life wouldn't be so miserable!"

Silent tears started falling from Meredith's eyes but she didn't stop; she just got into her car and drove away.

Back to reality, Meredith remembered that not long after she came back from Europe her mom had told her she had Alzheimer's; that's when she decided to go to medical school, so she could give her mother one last wish. She almost wished she'd never gone because she probably wouldn't be in this situation. Hearing a car door shut, Meredith's eyes flew open. At first, she thought it was probably just Izzie but the voice she heard was definitely not her roommate's.

"Meredith!" Derek shouted from the bottom of the stairs.

Cursing silently, she knew that she needed to get rid of him. Flinging her bedroom door open, she swiftly walked down the hall to the top of the stairs and saw him coming from the kitchen, undoubtedly looking for her.

"Meredith." He said more softly this time.

He started to walk up the steps when Meredith began speaking, "No. Just stay there."

Taking a deep breath, she continued, "I can't deal with you right now. I can't even begin to think about this and you being here just makes things even worse."

Derek interrupted, "Think about what?"

But, either she ignored him or just didn't hear him, "I just need you to leave."

Her breathing had become rapid and she stared down at him from the top of the stairs. Silence stood between them as he stared back at her with his own blue eyes. Placing his left hand on the handrail, he slowly ascended the stairs. Meredith began to shake her head in protest and her voice began to crack when she tried to speak, "Derek..."

But none of that stopped him and when he finally reached her he softly put his arms around her. For a brief moment, she resisted but soon melted into him by wrapping her own arms around him. With everything that was going on, Meredith just couldn't take it anymore and slide down to the floor, bringing Derek down with her.

As she sobbed into his chest, he put his face into her hair. It smelled like lavender; she had gone back to using the conditioner he loved. Stroking her hair, Meredith continued to cry for several minutes when Derek picked her up into his arms and carried her to her room. Placing her softly on the bed, he lied down next to her. She was facing towards the window on her side. It had started raining, which was not unusual for Seattle. He looked at her with a sad expression. After all the other pain he had caused her, he just wanted to be able to help her for once.

Placing his right arm around her abdomen, he was trying to comfort her but this just caused her to become more upset. But, instead of running away this time, Meredith turned on her other side and faced him. Derek was about to speak when she interrupted, "I'm pregnant."