The Violet Hour (X-Men AU)

28: Chaos Eve

- What if we move past kissing and I'm not in good enough shape? 

- What if he cheats?

  With my head in my hands, I tried to determine whether or not to actually give this a chance. The cons seemed so much worse, but maybe they were worth it for him. I never wanted to lose him as a friend, nor did I ever want to hurt him or myself in process of being more than friends. 

    Sex was up there on the list because of course, the mind of a teenaged boy is only on one thing and that was it, so rightfully I was worried about it and me. Peter joked about it often enough for me to know he did actively think about it and even though I hadn't caught him sneaking glances at my upper body in a while, I knew that he did and apologies weren't always enough. I wasn't ready for it, not yet, but who knows what Peter will ask for and when? If I didn't look right when the time comes... that could be a contributing factor to heartbreak. 

     Peter was very much so right when he said I needed optimism. I really fucking did. The pen fell in front of me, rolling over the cons. I wanted Peter, but did I want to end up with nothing if we overstepped the relationship? If I messed it up, would we lose everything? I shut my eyes tight and decided I'd revisit this all the next day. 

      But I didn't. I pocketed the note and walked around with it for a day. I pocketed it again, going to work two days after Peter's date proposal, at around 5 pm. I was unbearably excited and nervous and there was still another sleep to go through. Still naive, I found myself smiling as I walked in the front door of the diner, despite the cons on the paper in the pocket of my uniform. 

       It had been a little hard to stop smiling ever since he'd made feelings known. Mother and I drove past him at the park with Wanda and it turned out to be very hard to control the butterflies as he extended a hand upwards to wave to us. That was the only time I'd seen him since the misunderstanding and the reconciliation. It was time to work and if I was lucky, Peter wouldn't come into the diner today so that I might finish my list of pros and cons in between customers. 

    "Good afternoon, Venus," Queenie greeted me from behind the counter when I walked in. "You got a little pep in your step today. Let me guess, you are so incredibly glad to come into the diner to work a five-hour shift for your amazing boss?" 

    "Something like that," I replied, pulling up my hair with my clip. She smiled at me, trying to seriously analyze my mood. I couldn't even analyze my own mood. The second I thought about the pros, I was fine, I was happy. But then the moment I remembered the cons, I was launched into what felt like a cold, dark room. Hot and cold, up and down. Every single second that list was in my pocket, my moods swung back and forth. 

     Queenie seemed to give up, "You and Mary are working alone tonight and she's working until closing time, so don't feel bad leaving her to lock up. You could always stay later but I wouldn't impose." She shrugged. Closing time was midnight and I usually only worked to nine or ten o'clock, but I didn't mind. When things were slow here, the cooks and I would play word games or just discuss the day's customers. 

    "I don't mind staying," I told her. Queenie looked pleased, but not surprised. 

    "You always go above and beyond, miss Venus," she pat me on the shoulder. "I, however, have a dance recital to attend to, so have a good shift, love." With those words, she left, climbing into her car and driving off. 

    It was dinner hours here, so with most of the booths full, I better get to work. I grabbed my apron, tied it in the back, and got to taking the order from the mom who comes in when she's too tired to prepare dinner. The reason I knew so was that she justified it every time I waited her table with a, "I would have made dinner, but you know, after three kids, you really just don't want to!" And I was fine with that repetition as I gave the order to the cooks in the back.