Gates of Heaven

My Friend

Warning: This poem contains potential mental health triggers. Reader discretion is advised.

I silently watch as you play to the crowd,
You're joking as usual; they're laughing out loud.

You light up the room, a fiery star,
Your fabulous smile I admire from afar.

Your eye catches mine, I feel my heart stall,
I think I'm in love, but when did I fall?

You're out of my league, they all know your name,
And flitter around you like moths round a flame.

The popular guy never falls for the nerd,
So, I keep my distance, unseen and unheard.

Then one standard, boring, innocuous morning,
Things change so fast and with no prior warning.

A hand on my shoulder from out of the blue,
I whip my head round to find that it's you.

My mouth's feeling dry, I struggle to speak,
What could the trendy boy want with the freak?

You ask me if maybe I want to hang out,
I'm anxiously blushing and filled with self-doubt.

But with some persuasion my brain comprehends,
You're patient and kind and we soon become friends.

We spend time together, our lives intertwine,
Reigniting the fantasy, you could be mine.

Soon you're inviting me into your home,
Your parents are out, and we're all alone.

The popular guy and the shy nerdy geek,
I'm holding my breath; you're starting to speak.

"I need to say something to someone I trust,
I've got a big secret to keep between us,

"A few weeks ago, I tried kissing a boy,
Not something I ever thought I would enjoy,

"You might find it odd that I'm asking you this,
I know we're both guys, but would you like to kiss?"

Wait, how did you know? I want to, it's true.
But my father said this was a bad thing to do.

My heart's screaming, 'yes'; my head's crying, 'no,'
So, I'm at a crossroads, but which way to go?

I shake my head, 'no,' and then look away,
I take the next bus, though I wanted to stay.

The bus pulls away and I leave you behind,
The idea of kissing you plays on my mind.

Was that something real or was I being taunted?
Could it really be me that you wanted?

I find you're persistent and try it again,
You sense that I want to; it's not 'if,' but 'when.'

You break down my walls and I finally cave,
Capitulating to what we both crave.

Your lips are so gentle, I melt with your touch,
I don't want to stop; I like you too much.

And each time this happens, I can't get enough,
It's hard to deny that I've fallen in love.

We keep it a secret, pretend we're both straight,
If challenged, we just laugh, and claim we're good mates.

A birthday, a party, we both have a drink,
Combined with the noise, it gets hard to just think.

You suggest we get air, so we go for a walk,
But once out of view we do more than just talk.

We halt our embrace to the sound of snide jeers,
Distraught to find out we've been caught by our peers.

We get back to school, where more insults are thrown,
You take extra care I'm not left on my own.

We're the target of threats, now that we've been revealed,
But you stand in the fire, and act as my shield.