Brother from another mother

25th Hour

Mike was still reeling from what I'd revealed, but was starting to anger, "Why the hell would you lie to me?"

"Because the truth would have broken you."

"Except now you want to break me," Mike shouted back, and I didn't – couldn't – let Mike see how much those words affected me, but he was right.

As much as it hurt, I kept pushing "Because it's the only way you're going to let me do this." I would rather Mike hate me and stay out of prison, then go and grow to resent me, and hate me. I couldn't stand the thought of him having been loyal to me (with a few minor exceptions) through all the years, and when he needed it the most, I just let him go to prison? I kept going, asking rhetorically "You think putting a ring on Rachel's finger is going to make everything go away?"

"You know what, Harvey? You want to come to my wedding, you let me know," Mike said with an air of finality, turning to walk away, leaving.

I wasn't thinking, acting on my desperation, and threw my glass of Scotch right near where his head was. It hit the wall right next to him, and it smashed, sending crystals flying everywhere. Mike spun around, shocked, angry. "You want to go to prison?" I said, strongly. "Rule number one. Never turn your back on anyone."

Fury flared in Mike's eyes momentarily, before he pulled it back, and I almost flinched, before controlling my reaction. "I know what you're doing, and it's not going to work," Mike almost shouted, trying to not react.

"I'm not trying to take your place anymore." I told him loudly, "I'm trying to get you ready like Gloria Danner asked me to."

At the mention of Gloria's name, Mike softened for a second, "Harvey..."

I kept going, as if Mike hadn't spoken, trying to get a rise out of him, "Cause you're weak."

"I am not weak," he snapped.

"Yeah?" I egged him on, knowing I was getting closer and closer to illicit a reaction out of him. "Well, hit me."

Mike started off responding loudly, but ended up shouting back at me, as I had gotten closer, started invading his personal space, silently asking him to shove at me, "No. Harvey, stop it!"

"Hit me." I kept at it. "Listen. You think you're not weak?"

Mike cut me off, and at this point we were pretty much talking over the other, not letting the other finish what they were saying, and our volumes had risen to the point I would be concerned neighbours would be making a complaint. "No, you listen to me. You're only doing this because you feel guilty."

There was truth to his words, that I had acknowledged and was the reason for my actions now but I needed to get him going, to really start. "Louis Litt got you into a headlock – "

" – But I am not going to hit you!" Mike exclaimed.

" – Tess's husband kicked your ass – "

"I'm not going to hit you just because you can't handle the fact..." Mike's eyes showed just how much he was struggling to not let the fury out, and I knew I was almost there.

"What do you think he's going to do with her, the second you get behind..." Apparently that was the last straw, as next thing I knew, I was somewhat winded from the punch I had just been on the receiving end of.

With each blow Mike landed on me, he spat, "Is this what you want? That I hate you?" I could tell that his fury was making him lose control of what words were coming out, as he was not entirely coherent. "And you're going to make me do this and lose everything because of you?"

The punches landed hard, but the words he was throwing at me – that I asked for, that I deserved – hit home a lot harder. it was what I was desperately afraid of, that he would resent me for not doing everything to keep him out of jail, that when he desperately needed me to, I wasn't loyal to him the way he had been for so many years. As he laid that last one on me, it's like he had slowly come to the realisation of what he had done, what I'd pushed him to do, and he backed away, his face scrunched up in excruciating pain, and my stomach sank, knowing I hadn't thought of how this would affect him after. Press until it hurts. He started shaking, before he covered his face and started sobbing, and my heart broke at seeing him like this.

I ran my hand down my face, gingerly touched my nose, my mouth to test the damage. "Mike, please," I couldn't help but plead softly with him. Make this worth it. Putting him through this, please let me do this. "Let's call Gibbs."

Mike didn't look at me, but his voice was strong, resolute, despite the shaking and the tears, "I can't. I can't Harvey."

My heart bled, knowing that all the pain, the hurt, what I had just put him through was all moot. He had come here asking me to be his best man and I had broken him down instead. At least I knew he could pack a punch, a thought that I squashed as soon as it even crossed my mind.

"I'm sorry Mike, so sorry!" I tried reaching for him, for him to look in my direction so he would know I was sincere. "I needed to try..."

---

With all those painful, difficult words out in the air, it had taken time before we were able to come back from it. But with our deadline looming ahead of us, both of us didn't hang on to any of it stubbornly, as we may have in other circumstances. I helped Mike up, offering my hand, which he took, and I pulled him into a tight hug. I whispered, "I'm sorry," in his ears as my hold tightened, not wanting to think of how we weren't going to make it out on the other side together, unlike every other time. This time, the most crucial time, I wasn't able to get him out, to fix everything. I didn't deserve him before and I most certainly didn't now. Not his loyalty or his freedom. Mike hugged back, and I could feel his emotional turmoil emanating off of him. But his eyes were set, and I knew beyond a shadow of doubt there was nothing I could do to change his mind.

I thought back to what Donna had said, and I knew when she said she "was scared of losing" me, she knew the impact of Mike being imprisoned would have on me. I had forbidden myself from thinking of it, but as time elapsed faster than ever, I couldn't help but think of the gloomy, endless darkness awaiting me. And I shoved it down each time it crossed my mind, because what I would go through without Mike was nothing compared to what he was facing, and I was just showing how selfish I could be by thinking otherwise.

We sat down on the couch, I handed him a glass of scotch, ignoring the mess made on the other side of the room. We sat silently but close together, each involved in our own thoughts.

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