Only if: A LOSING GAME (Slow updates)

//Chapter 1//

Unknowingly she walked towards that water. Ganga Ghaat it was. Oh how she loved coming here. Her baba used to bring her here every Sunday. It used to be there way to bond together. She still came here whenever possible but for the first time it didn't remind her of any fun memories but reminded her how his ashes were flown in this place. How she saw him burn down to ash and how it further merged into air and water. He was a part of this place's air and water. But he might have travelled places right? Chalo accha hai. Isi bahane baba ka ghumne ka sapna to poora hua. She chuckled sadly. Sad about what? She didn't know. 

She went towards the stairs and sat down. The noise was not disrupting her talks, anymore. She got accustomed to it, the same way she got accustomed to her continuous set of problems. She found happiness in everything, par is baar nhi ho paya. She failed. And she failed miserably. Tears again. Some more pain and she felt her throat parch. She felt suffocated. She couldn't control anymore and here she was crying like a maniac. She tightly gripped her hairs in her hand and pulled it harshly. Only if her soul came out her body the same way. 

She got up  and moved towards the higher platform at the side. It was a beautiful view, least to say. Sweet orange hues started mixing with the dark sky. How will it to be mix into nothingness? Just lost somewhere in this eternity? She removed her set of red bangles, her favorite. It was his first gift along with rabdi kulfi. What a day that was! She was the happiest. She was all smiles. She even learned to make Macher Jhol that day and the whole family was full of praises. A small smile adorned her face. She further removed that gold kada, his kaka gifted her as shagun. Since that day it hasn't left her hand. She loved the intricate design on it but today it felt no less than a handcuff binding her to this unwanted life. Unwanted expectations. Unwanted responsibilities. Unwanted miseries. She delicately ran her fingers over that tattoo she got on her arm after throwing her own set of tantrums. How proud she was then, joining them together, and how disgusted she was now. Only if she could go back in time and erase that memory and many more. She roughly rubbed some kajal from her eyes on her thumb and let it glide over that tattoo. Jab zindagi me hi grahan lag gaya hai to is jode pe andhkaar hi chaa jana chahiye. Naam saath likhne se agar saath jad jaate to kitne premi kabhi juda hi nhi hote. 

She looked over ahead. Yellow hues mixing with orange. Darkness was reducing. She needs to hurry so that she can join it, for once and for all. She finally took her hands towards her forehead and harshly removed that bright red sindoor she used to wear with all the pride in her world. But today, it was the same mark which was acting like a noose in her life. She curled up her toes by the edge of the platform, looked down and was surprised to see few rose petals scattered and lying lifelessly yet beautifully on the water surface. She will also be lying like this. Will she also spread such serenity or her miseries will flow out marking her end also with distaste? 

She took a long breath holding onto every smell she could. Prominent being that of a fresh morning. She loved mornings so maybe it wasn't that a bad idea to end it all in the morning, right? She lastly let her body free, spread her arms and ultimately jumped into the water. Thick water rushed into her nose. There was a burning sensation because of lack of oxygen but she was calm. Finally she was doing something out of her own will. No demands. No orders. Just her life. Just her way. 

She slightly felt the pallu entangling with her torso and he was her last thought. How did he feel wrapping his arms around that lady's chest? Did her bosoms provide her with the warmth all romantic novels talked about? Did he nuzzle her neck and maybe travelled down to her cleavage? Was he wild in the bed or soft? What did that woman had that she didn't? Huh! again a set of questions she didn't have answer to and this time she didn't want any because there was nothing left. Slowly and steadily the darkness engulfed. Yes. Yes, finally. This. This peace. This silence. This comfort. This Bondita. 

*Haye tooti saari ki saari mai,

Tere ishq me hui awari mai.*

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Hello everyone!

How are you all doing? I hope everyone is in their greatest health. It's been long I wrote something, so here I am with this piece. There might be 1 or 2 more parts to it. It is something very new for me. It was fun though. It's gonna be a little dark. Many might not like it but that is how life is. Not everything happens the way we want it to be. 

Secondly, I know I started writing a new story but idk I am not getting any motivation for that right now. You can say a writer's block happening. Moreover since that is gonna be a little long story, that needs quite some commitment which currently I am not ready for because of college and research papers. 

Thank you to everyone who reached out to me for my health and when I will be coming back. I am doing amazingly well. I can't promise anything but will definitely try to keep on writing something or the other and don't go MIA for such a long time. 

Finally, I hope you all loved the chapter. Looking forward to your views. Please do drop in your comments. 

Have a wonderful day. Sending you all warm hugs. Stay safe. 

P.S. Don't miss the song attached

Love, 

Veerangna 🌿