If Only

A Path To Our Own Forgiveness

There were Christmas lights, fairy lights, all sorts of cool shapes and colours. It looked like a giant art project. I felt really comfortable. I never really was around people, so this was new. Aaron loves being around people.

He's acting terrified.

"Are you okay? Are you not feeling good or something?" I looked at him.

"I kind of feel like I'm gonna throw up, but I'm just stressed out".

I took a second, "Why?".

"I'm worried I'm gonna see someone my dad knew. All the people he knows hates me, and I don't know if any of them would hurt us".

I grabbed his hand, "You're gonna be okay".

Aaron took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"Take your time" I looked around.

Aaron let go of my hand, so I wandered around the area. I might come here every night for a walk. It's so nice to see the darkness of the forest all lit up.

"Hey".

I looked behind me, Aaron was looking at me.

"I love you" He spoke.

I smiled, "I love you too".

"And I'm sorry... I'm sorry I was gone for so long. I know you understand and I shouldn't apologize. You had a hard time with it, and I'm sorry".

I didn't answer.

"I just want you to know that".

"That you love me and you're sorry? That's why you took me here?" I laughed a little, "Could've just told me at the house".

Aaron took a second, "No, I needed you to know that I'm in love with you. I am deeply in love with you and I'm serious about that".

I sighed, "Aaron come on-".

He got down on one knee.

"Aaron?" I whispered.

He pulled out a little box and opened it, "Will you marry me?".

I froze, I was shocked.

"I asked Ben, I asked Jess. Everyone is just really happy for you. I needed you to know how serious I was about you".

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I-".

"Are you doing this just to prove to me that you're serious about us?".

"No i-".

"You don't have to do this".

Aaron took a second, "I've wanted to do this for a really long time Tyler".

"Aaron".

"Please?".

I felt frozen.

"Do I need to say your full name?" Aaron joked.

I laughed a little.

"Tyler Barnes will you marry me?".

"Barnes," I started to cry a little, "Of course".

Aaron got up and I hugged him really tight. We stayed there for a moment, and then he finally put the ring on my finger.

All of the struggling finally felt worth it.

Ava

I sat with Juli in my room watching an old DVD. I had bought myself a small tv, and we would watch movies on it here and there.

It ended.

"Aren't you glad we don't have a life like that?" Juli asked.

I nodded, "We had it good compared to those kids".

"I wish we knew dad, and I wish mom was there".

I hugged Juli, "We have each other. You and I against the world Juli".

Juli smiled.

"We have Jess, and she took care of us as much as she could. Ty and Ben are always gonna be there for us too. Even if times are tough for them, they got us".

Juli nodded, "Even if we ever hate them?".

"Of course. We gotta be grateful for what we got, and we are gonna be just fine".

"Thanks Ava," Juli got up, "I'm gonna go to bed".

"Why don't you come sleep in here? Maybe we can put in that movie about the dog?".

"Really?" He lit up.

I smiled and nodded, "I've never been so sure about anything".

"Okay!" Juli rushed out of my room.

I set up the movie about the dog and looked out the window. We really do have it good.

Ben

I grabbed my book and flipped to the last empty page. It was dark out, and it was late.

"Dear me,

It's been a little over a year. Maybe it's finally over? All of the struggle, the being lonely, the darkness. Maybe its all gone. You know? I never really realized what it was all for. All the shitty feelings I had. Why was I so stubborn? Maybe everything would've been different if dad were there, if mom were healthy. It's not my fault. I couldn't have done anything about our lives. I had to live in it, and fuck me I did the best I could with it. Nothing can ever go perfect. You can only build yourself back up and do better next time. I will do better next time, and I swear on my life. You've got this, I got this".

I put the book back on the little nightstand I had. It took me awhile, but I eventually went to sleep.