The Youthful You Who Was So Beautiful (translated)

epilogue 2

And now, with this final, poignant letter from Chen Nian to Zheng Yi.

Officer Zheng:

Hi.

In the blink of an eye, four years has passed.

Lifting my pen, I've come to a realisation that I have no idea what to say.

I've been performing well academically, and am currently enrolled in a Master's Degree Programme.

The reason why I'm writing this letter, is because Officer Xiao Yao had told me, that in order for Bei Ye to leave Xi Cheng for Hong Kong whilst he was still on parole, I would have to furnish some form of documentary evidence in order to prove that both Bei Ye and I possess optimistic and motivated attitudes. I'm not sure whether this letter is sufficient to constitute the required documentary proof.

I didn't manage to catch you when I returned to Xi Cheng to pick Bei Ye up on the day of his release from prison. I understand from Officer Xiao Yao that you happened to be in Beijing that day for work meetings.

On the topic of welcoming Bei Ye home from prison, a minor incident occurred on the day of his release. When Bei Ye emerged from the prison compound, he was completed empty-handed; he didn't have a single cent or item on him, other than the clothes which he was wearing at that point in time. I was extremely nervous then, as I was worried that the clothes which I purchased for him wouldn't fit him properly, but the clothes surprisingly fit him like a glove. I suggested burning his prison uniform in order for him to be rid of his bad luck, but Bei Ye gently refused my suggestion.

He said, that he would never ever burn or destroy, any other clothes in the future.

He even told me, that even if we were to burn his prison uniform, we would never be able to burn, or truly eradicate, what he had done, and where he had been.

I told him, that that's fine.

Although two months has passed since Bei Ye's release from prison, I can still recall and visualize every single detail about that very day. It is as though Bei Ye had just been released from prison only yesterday; and yet, I have already received multiple calls from Officer Xiao Yao urging me to submit documentary evidence in relation to Bei Ye. Since the documentary evidence would, in any event, be submitted to you for your review, and must showcase both normalcy, and a positive, motivated attitude (on both Bei Ye's and my part), I thought it would be easiest to write you a letter.

You've continuously written to me since we parted several years ago. And, Officer Zheng, although I've never told you so, I am, in actuality, extremely grateful for your letters – because you never ever failed to include updates about Bei Ye and his life in prison in your letters. I was always concerned that Bei Ye would be selective when writing to me, and report only good news (whilst omitting the bad) in order to ease my worries. It was only when I received your letters that I could rest assured.

The reason why I never ever replied your letters prior to this, was simply because, I didn't want to speak to you. I knew that you were helping Luo Ting and her friends, and I found myself unable to accept the injustice of it all – why weren't you able to stop Wei Cai earlier? And why, after all that has come to pass, did you decide to help Luo Ting and her friends receive a lighter punishment?

Luo Ting and her friends have been afforded fresh opportunities and chances to reform time and again – but, what about the pain, the suffering, and the horror that Bei Ye and I went through?

Four years ago, on the night I was trampled, crushed, and bullied, I experienced, for the first time in my life, intense hatred. I hated that city. I hated every single person that was born in that city – including you, including my mother who had no choice but to live and work in another city, including me (the me who was tirelessly strove to mature and grow into a stronger person, and yet, constantly failed at every turn), and including my opponents who, despite being the same age as me, were scarier than adults, as they were inexplicably granted the protection, and the right, to undertake actions that hurt, and injured, others.