the cut that always bleeds

laid out before him

June 22
Regardless of how hard he tried, anytime Luca shut his eyes, all he could imagine was the way Alberto's lips felt on his. The way his hands rested gently on his lower back, cradling him. He missed the feeling of stray fingers running circles up by his collar. The feeling of a hand delicately placed on his cheek, with stunning emerald eyes staring back at him. The longing left a lump in his throat, and he struggled to swallow. Struggled to prevent the fire that found its way on his face.
How badly he wanted to hear Alberto say three words.
Luca's eyes shot open, undeniable heat showing itself on the sides of his face. He took a couple of stray gasps for air, a hand laid on his chest. He glanced around his old bedroom, his grandma's bed lying adjacent to his.
After shaking his head, he made his way up, swimming towards the main room of his old home. To his surprise, the room was empty. His old staff lay in the corner of the room, and he made his way over, taking it into his grasp.
For a moment he let it rest in the palm of his hand, slowly turning it over to examine it. It looked exactly the same, the slight indent from where his hand lay, the curvature at the top. This was his life, before he met him.
What would've happened if he never met Alberto?
Would he have been trapped in his house forever? Working day after day, not ever able to imagine schoolwork, or laughing with friends in the hallway.
The feeling of dreaming of running away on a Vespa, arms around the torso of the one who let you escape.
Luca's eyes remained locked on his old staff, a familiar pain appearing in his throat as he thought back to the very first time he had met Alberto.
This staff pulled him up to the surface for the first time.
"I don't think you could look at that thing any longer if you tried."
Luca spun around, and his Grandma walked into the room.
"GRANDMA! How long have you been standing there?"
"Long enough, what're you doing back here?"
Luca placed the staff back down, sitting down on his tail.
"Just came to look at old stuff, I guess. Reminisce?"
His grandma smiled, making her way over, also sitting down on her tail.
"What's on your mind? Something's wrong."
Luca glances up at her, a shocked expression making an appearance.
"Nothings wrong, I'm just tired I-"
Luca grew silent, seeing his Grandma not move a muscle, she smiled. She knew.
"How could you tell?"
She let out a sigh, growing closer to Luca.
"Bubble, I know you. And I know that look anywhere."
Luca looked down towards the ground.
"I've just been thinking a lot. That's all."
"I have a suspicion, but I'll let you tell me."
He couldn't look up, his eyes remained locked on the floor.
He took an inhale, as he finally admitted it.
"It's my friend, Alberto."
When he opened his eyes, he expected anything but what he was faced with. She wore a sly grin, her eyebrows raised.
"I knew it."
Luca furrowed his eyebrows.
"Knew what?"
"It had to do with him."
Luca threw his hands up.
"I promise you, he's not a bad influence, I know you guys don't trust him-"
"Bubble, I have no problem with Alberto."
Luca's eyes grew wide, and he allowed himself to relax once more.
"You...don't?"
His grandma laughed.
"No, I like him. He comes around sometimes to help your mom and dad out, he's always treated me well. He's a nice boy."
Luca smiled, nodding.
"He is really nice."
She began to get up, beginning to turn away from him.
"You don't need to tell me. You're in love."
Luca shot up, his tail sticking out straight behind him. He stumbled, and knocked over his old staff.
"Wh- Grandma, what are you talking about?"
She stifled a laugh, watching Luca attempt to put the staff back against the wall.
"I see the look in your eyes, that's love. Congrats."
Luca nervously smiled, swimming over towards her, he placed a hand on his forehead, attempting to calm himself down.
"I think you've misunderstood this. Him and I are just friends."
His Grandma scoffed.
"Friends. You're funny."
Luca put both hands on his head, flattening his scales as he pushed them back through his "hair".
"I mean it. We're friends. Nothing more."
She lifted an eyebrow.
"Then what's been on your mind about him?"
Luca stared at her, in complete silence, stunned.
"Well- no. Yes? I guess...you could call it- Ugh."
She grinned.
"What happened?"
Luca covered his face with his hands.
"A lot, a LOT happened. I don't know if I should say-"
He glanced back at her, and saw the smile that remained on her face.
"We kissed. I kissed him, a few times."
She simply nodded, letting out an exhale.
"And? Where's the problem?"
His eyes remained wide, staring at her, his mouth agape. Luca glanced to the side, feeling his stomach begin to grow uneasy.
Something came into his mind.
Something he wanted so badly to ignore.
It flooded his insides, coming up through his lungs, and spilled out in front of him.

"What if I am in love with him?"

He could practically see the words in front of him, and the sight of them caused him to lose his ability to breathe.
He was motionless, as the realization had dawned on him.
He really truly could be.
Before he could say anything else, he felt his grandma's hand rest on his shoulder.

"Then you love him."

Luca stared at her, unable to hide the suffocating feeling that had begun to rise in his throat.
"I'm so scared."
She wrapped her arms around him, and he shuddered as he returned the favor.
"You have to make a decision, I'll support you either way."
He nodded, and backed up.
"Thank you. I'll...figure it out."
She smiled.
"Go."
He furrowed his brows.
"Hm?"
"Go see him."
Luca nodded, before turning towards the door.
He froze in place, and whipped back around.
"Thank you, Grandma."
She gave him a nod, and he rushed out of the door.