Only With You

I guess it does

        “That’s because they do know,” she stated.
           
        I practically chocked on air and started coughing like crazy. Emma patted my back to help me calm down and gave an amused yet curious look. “They know?” I practically squealed.
           
        Emma nodded and took her hand away from my back. I was so distracted by the news that I didn’t even get to pay attention to the effect of her touch.
           
        “Yeah, they saw I was kinda…” she struggled to find a word for a few seconds, “Down, I guess, after the fight… so they keep insisting to know what happened and I just told them everything.” She looked at me from the corner of her eye and said before taking a bite from her sandwich, “Including the kiss and our little fight after the accident.”
           
        I was dumbfounded after that –a million thoughts running in my mind- and I didn’t know what to say or do. Emma told me her friends were practically family to her since they met in middle school and they seemed a lot closer than me with my group of friends, so should I worry?
           
        As if Emma read my mind, she said, “Don’t worry, they won’t say a thing to anyone.”
           
        I quickly shook my head, her tone of voice getting off an alarm in my head. I didn’t want her to think I thought lowly of her friends. If she trusted in them then I should too, considering I was literally going to spend the rest of my life with her now that I know she is ‘the love of my life’. Holy shit… the love of my life. I will spend the rest of my life with her. I had to fight the urge to get up and run after the wave of panic I felt.
           
        Trying to remain calm on the exterior I asked Emma, “So they took it pretty well, hm? I mean, considering you were sitting with them today and, yeah.”
           
        Emma nodded and swallowed before talking, “Yeah, at first they were kinda shocked, you know? Then they were just a little hurt I kept the secret for so long, but they were pretty accepting.”
           
        I gave Emma a little smile. “That’s great, Emma. I’m happy you told them and they accepted you.” I knew this was a big step for Emma and I was proud of her for doing what she did –even if telling the true practically dragged me out of the closet to her friends too.
           
        Emma smiled back at me. “I was pretty happy too. I was scared to tell them for so long but when I saw how worried they were for me I just had to do it. I just thought ‘what the hell am I thinking? They are my family; of course they will accept me.”
           
        My smile fell and a pang of guilt sprang through me. “I’m sorry.” I moved to look at Emma who has eyes narrowed towards me, as if she didn’t understand what I was talking about. “About ignoring you for more than a week. Especially about the way I left you alone in my house that Sunday.” I took Emma’s free hand in mine. “I’m really sorry about the way I acted since the kiss. I should have thought about your feelings too, but I didn’t even bothered to ask you what that meant for you or us.”
           
        Emma looked back at me and down at our hands. After a few seconds I could visibly see her gulping. Is she about to cry? My thoughts were interrupted by Emma’s soft voice –almost as soft as a whisper. If it wasn’t because we were sitting pretty close to each other, then I wouldn’t be able to heart it.
           
        “It was my fault; I shouldn’t let my hope blind me from being realistic.”
           
        I frowned, not understanding what she meant. “What are you talking about, Emma?”
           
        Emma’s voice remained soft, and I was almost sure she would start crying at any moment, but I couldn’t see her face because she was looking down. “Isn’t it obvious? Pretty much the whole school wants to be with you or around you, so why would you waste your time on me?”
           
        I shook my head, hating the vulnerability in Emma’s voice. I really didn’t want her to cry or feel so low about herself. “No, don’t think like that Em.” The nickname caught her attention and she looked up at me for a second. As I thought, her watery eyes mirrored the vulnerability in her voice. “You are an amazing girl, and I certainly don’t want their company; but I do want yours.”
           
        “So you don’t hate me?” Emma asked while she wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt.
           
        “No, of course not,” I replied immediately to reassure her. “If I hated you then would I have kissed you?”
           
        “But you did run away on Sunday, and I know you were pretty mad at me.”
           
        “And for that I’m so sorry. It was a mistake; I should have thought about how you were seeing things. You were trying to take care after me, right?” I asked, in attempt to cheer her up.
           
        Emma nodded and finally looked at me in the eyes instead of just looking around. “Yes, but you were right too. I know nothing about April or how things work between you two. So I’m sorry too.”
           
        “I forgave you, even if you did nothing wrong.” I gave Emma’s hand a little squeeze and grinned at her. “So that means you forget me and we are okay again?”
           
        Emma’s chuckled and smiled shyly at me. “Yeah, I guess it does.”