If You Want to Be Happy

A Slow Dance and a Rollercoaster Ride

Connor

Daniel Connor Heaseley

Advanced English Literature and Composition

Mr. James Kozinsky

29 April 2019

Thank you, Mr. Gatsby, for teaching me that I have been nothing but a Daisy. A person who doesn't know what he or she wants to do in life except find someone who will love me and make me feel special. And to lose myself in having sex with that significant other.

Thank you, Mr. Gatsby, in making me realize what a loser I am.

"You're not a loser, honey," a voice says from over my shoulder. "You have people who love you and think you're special."

"Gran!" I say, swiveling around. "You weren't supposed to read that."

"I'm sorry. Seeing that you were working on it in the middle of the kitchen, I didn't realize it was meant to be private. You are going to edit that before submitting it to your English teacher, aren't you? Especially the bit with s-e-x?"

"I wasn't going to submit it at all. I just got distracted thinking about these things while I was working on my paper and ended up typing what was on my mind."

"You don't really believe what you wrote about yourself, do you?"

"Some of it is true. But mostly I guess I'm just griping because I'm frustrated."

Gran unplugs her phone from where it's charging on the kitchen counter then swipes the screen. "I know what will make you feel better." I hear the Beatles singing "In my Life" and Gran says, holding out her arms, "Let's have a dance."

I dance according to Gran's instructions. "Good, you're getting it," she says as I move with more ease. "Nobody can feel bad while listening to this song, she says. At least, nobody who has anyone who loves them. And you do. Your mother, your grandfather, me of course, your sweet little friend..."

"She's really just a friend, okay, Grandma?"

"So you say! But friendship is how it all starts. And if you can be loved in that platonic way, you'll be able to find someone who will want to marry you someday. The right person will come to you at the right time. And so will the certainty of what you want to do in life. Didn't your grandfather move from job to job for years until he found the one that he was really passionate about? Give yourself time. You got into MIT, you have potential to be something great. Just as your friendship with that sweet child might lead to something great."

"Oh, no, that can't happen, Gran. She's going away in a month."

"That may be so, but who knows what the future holds?"

"Um, nobody?"

"All I'm saying is, have faith. Great things will happen to you. And you can make them happen."

"Thank you, Gran," I say as the song comes to a close. "I'd better work on my real essay now."

I go back to my laptop and try to recall what we had been talking about before Bennet abruptly left. I had finished watching the movie without her, but felt kind of lonely doing so. I guess that explains my funk. Everything just seems more fun when I do it with Bennet.

It's nice and useful, in a way, to have a female friend who is an equal. Not one who is teasing and acts superior like Ava. Or on the other hand, one who's always depending on you for help, like Jenna in Biology. It gave me a real ego boost first, but since she turned me down for the dance I've found her constant demands for help annoying. Doesn't she listen in class or learn anything? With Bennet I have a sort of--well, since we were just talking biology, let's call it mutual symbiosis. I help her quite a bit but she also does a lot for me.