Securing Sect Leader Jin

Before SSLJ, you must first secure your shidi/shixiong. Part 2

"A-Xian..." he whispered hoarsely.

At Wei Wuxian's surprised intake of breath, he finally opened his eyes. Wei Wuxian's eyes were blown wide and he looked amazed and astounded at the same time.

"A-Xian..." he slowly raised his hand to rest it on top of the one Wei Wuxian still had on his cheek.

"I'm sorry too."

Wei Wuxian made a strangled noise.

"I should have done more. Something. Anything..." he started, but Wei Wuxian covered his mouth with his free hand and spoke before he could get annoyed.

"No," Wei Wuxian shook his head, a stern look replacing the previous shock. Removing his hand before Jiang Cheng could pull a teenaged Wei Wuxian's move of licking the offending limb, he continued, "I never wanted to drag the sect down with me. You couldn't have done anything to help without ruining everything that you'd worked so hard to build up to that point. You know I'm right."
"A-Cheng, I gave up my core because I wanted to see you succeed. How could I drag the sect through the mud when you were just starting to be acknowledged? You might have been able to protect me but you couldn't protect them. And I needed to protect them. I owed them for helping me. The sect was in a precarious position. You couldn't have helped. It was true then and it's even more so now that we know what the Jins were up to; even if I had gone home with you and abandoned them, it was only a matter of time before they'd have found some pretext to get to me or the sect for the seal anyway. You said..." he paused, sorrow lining his face again, "You said that I should accept that...that... you and shijie chose to... to jump... to p..protect me." He still couldn't quite get those words out fully.

"Well I chose to protect the sect in the only way I knew how. By not dragging you down with me. I've never blamed you for putting the sect first. It was your duty. I wanted you to do it. I pushed you away so you could focus on the sect."

Jiang Cheng frowned. "Fine. I won't apologise for that then. But I... You know I tried to protect you. But you said you didn't need anyone to speak for you. And you wouldn't leave them. Now I know why."

He shifted his gaze to look at a point over Wei Wuxian's shoulder rather than directly into his eyes. This was too much vulnerability for him already. "So regardless, I'm sorry. I wish I could have protected you."

Wei Wuxian's heart swelled with a light feeling. It felt like a weight he didn't even know he was carrying was being lifted from his chest. He was indeed the one who wanted the Jiang Sect to denounce him so they wouldn't get the backlash from his actions. He did tell Jiang Cheng he didn't need him to protect him. But being free of the seal's influence and in a relatively stable state of mind now.... He was happy that Jiang Cheng wanted to. That he'd tried.

"You said it wasn't Wen Ning's place to tell me and it wasn't. But I needed to know. After the war I thought you didn't care anymore. You were always drinking and playing around instead of being by my side for meetings or anything else. You idiot, why didn't you come up with a better lie huh?" He actually grasped Wei Wuxian's shoulders this time but didn't quite manage to shake him. His reddened eyes watered and Wei Wuxian was about to apologise again but Jiang Cheng cut him off before he could, in a thin agonised voice. "You could have said that... Why didn't you at least blame the Core-Melting Hand? It would have made sense. You could have said something ...anything! You let me think you were fine and playing the fool. Of all people, don't you think I would have understood what it was like without one?" His voice had gotten close to a whisper.

Wei Wuxian gave a mirthless laugh. "And if I had, wouldn't you have wanted to take me back to Baoshan Sanren? And if I'd said it was one chance only to get it restored then wouldn't you have felt terrible that you used it up? How could I say it to you without hurting you A-Cheng?"