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JOCELYN WAS A CONFIDENT and strong person. She had people who cared for her, she was intelligent and she certainly didn't lack beauty. So whenever she got anxious over a little thing, like a party, she felt a negative out of body experience. She told herself how selfish and negative that is, practically invalidating herself.
So there she stood in front of the boy's full-body mirror, in the bathroom.
The 5"6 girl was hyperaware of every bone in her body, the way the lacy fabric rested and scratched against her ivory skin, the way her figure looked in the maxi skirt and the way her hair wasn't exactly its natural curl but didn't make her look any different. She hated the way she knew all this. She despised the way it made her feel.
As if her spirit had floated out of her. She looked up, feeling as if her essence hovered opposite her with a look of disgust. She was alert and open-minded about her entire life story. At that very moment, she was all too aware of everything around her and although she didn't want to attempt it, it scared her.
Sirius watched from afar. Stealing quick glances through the slit between the door and the wall. He watched as the girls' soft smile turned into a straight, anxious line. As her chest began to flatten, only to arise fully every few seconds. Jocelyn's eyes were fuzzy, a metaphorical fog, glazed over her coffee-coloured pupils. She wasn't moving at that point. She wasn't blinking, she was completely frozen.
Sirius stood up, not wanting to alarm anyone. He glided towards the girl, slowly creeping behind her. He opened the door slightly.
As the door squeaked, Jocelyn jumped out of her frozen state. "Merlin!" Jocelyn placed her hand on her heart, "Sirius, don't scare me like that."
"Are you alright?" The delicateness in his voice frightened her. The sarcastic, rude blemishes in his low, English accent was replaced with a caring tone and slight whisper.
"Yes?" She said although it appeared as more of a question. "Joyce. If you don't feel comfortable going to the party, don't."
He wouldn't attempt it but he knew what was happening. The panicked look on her face, the slow short breaths she was wheezing, her heightened senses, it was all too familiar. But he wanted her to tell him, not the other way around.
"What?" She said breathlessly. "You heard me. If you don't want to go to the party, if it makes you anxious-"
"I'm not anxious!" She scoffed, "look, I am trying to be helpful." There was a beat of silence, neither of them moved before Sirius muttered under his breath; "even when you're having a panic attack, you still manage to be way too stubborn and piss me off."
"Pardon?" "I'm trying to be helpful! I'm trying to make up for all the shit that happened!"
"Exactly! You're not helping me because you want to help me! You wanna help 'cause you think you ought to!"
Jocelyn suddenly felt extremely lightheaded. The essence that had been watching her previously, seemed to force itself back into her figure, knocking her over. She felt on fire as her knees gave out. The room was consumed by shadows as she fell into Sirius's comforting arms.
He didn't know what to do. There was a girl, in his arms who was blacked out and she wasn't on any substances. It was surely new for the Pureblood boy. He curved his arm around Jocelyn's shoulders, sitting her down on the bath. The shower curtain grazed both the teens' backs. Her head rested on his shoulder whilst her charcoal artificial waves laid all over her face. He missed her curls. He thought, brushing a strand behind her ear.
"What's happening here?!" James stormed in.
"Oh thank fuck! Prongs, your sister just collapsed on me." He fibbed.
"Ugh! Remus, can you help me out?" James stuck his head out of the door.
A tall, lanky grandpa sweater came into view. "Moony-"
Remus looked exhausted, more than halfway to insanity. He didn't like Halloween, he only went because Jocelyn went. Remus knew she was anxious, especially recently due to not being able to talk to her brother.
"Thanks, pads. I'll take her," he whispered. He kneeled next to the pair. His long hand, which carried a large gold ring, grabbed Joyce's firm shoulder. "Josie, Josie."
The girl's eyes opened. "Oh shit, I am so so sorry. Oh, fuck that is humiliating." Sirius hadn't seen Joss so quiet and embarrassed before.
He felt terrible. She lifted her head off Sirius's shoulder, looking at him. "I'm really sorry, Sirius. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."
"It's no problem, really." Sirius suddenly felt awkward, he felt under pressure. He didn't know how to act when Jocelyn wasn't being a bitch to him. So he did what he does best, "Your boyfriend's gonna take you to lie down."
Remus and Jocelyn scoffed simultaneously. "Ok, way to ruin it." "Yeah, Godric, I was trying to be nice."
They left the room, Remus leading her out.
"Pads? May I speak your honour?"
"Granted."
"You are a right dick," James leaned against the sink, spitting out the 'k' sound.
"Ok, yup, I'm ready to get drunk," Sirius copied the k sound.
NOTES FROM LWM: • THIS IS ANOTHER FILLER • you could literally just skip tbh but whatever ig • big things are coming 😎 • i had MAJOR writers block whilst writing this so it sucks sozo
• this chapter was also a reminder that panic attacks don't always include heavy breathing and rapid actions. this was also kind of a vent chapter because I wanted to put how my own panic attacks feel in words. so if you relate to this, just know you aren't the only one :)
