Ancient's Smashing Reviews

Broken Hearts by @TheOriginofLove2013

World building - meh - the story lacks strong side characters to offer world building and there isnt much WB beyond them either. I can understand this from the blindboy chapters, if anything i loved that PoV the most, but the other half of the chapters failed to offer good world building. There was some, but it was just, again, an endless repeat of the sane thing. It is consistent, ill give it that. This story tries to portray the whole world, and especially anyone christian, as darwinistic homophobic psychopaths that belong in gotham insane asylum. Which, realistically, is complete bullshit, but thats the PoV. beyond this endlessly repeating narrative of the world and the lack of SCs and two MCs whose list of interactions dont range much beyond meaningless small talk and kissing, then i am really not sure what world building there is.

Plot - tries so hard - i will give the author props for attempting a complex layer of multiple plot types and almost managing. Almost. Unfortunately it is in the details and execution.

You start off with darwin daddy and psycho mom with their mutual MC kids. Daddy hires blind boy to work for him. The two MCs meet, they talk about how much their life sucks, and decide to leave. So begins a combination of a dual-hero journey and a romance. Both kind of plots require their own unique structure and story strengths. Its not impossible to handle both as they are not mutually exclusive but it is necessary to know whet is needed.

A hero's journey requires a strong antagonist. There must be constant presence, tension, and conflict so as to create growth to build the hero over his journey. The story does a dual-hero because the first step is "call to action" and both MCs call the other to action in a cooperative deal to save themselves and each other at the same time. This duality then also requires a second thing: trust before the call. However the story fails this plotline because the antagonists have no presence, there is no tension, and the only time i managed to find a single conflict it fizzled out. Then you also find that they had no reason at all to trust each other before deciding to run. I get desperate people make desperate decisions but this was like going from "hows the weather?" To "lets go blow up the alien mothership" level of a leap.

The second plot type was romance. Romance relies on the strength of its main characters and supporting friends, not necessarily antagonists. This also requires a more complex structure i have mentioned before where you have a first impression that is then immediately turned on its head by the second impression and the MCs being stuck together sgainst their will in some way. Just for a start, there was no first/second impression to make a conflict in relationship. It was 1. Forced together by job contract. 2. first impression. 3. Nothing after this. The first impression never changes.

Romance is typically easy to do alongside a hero's journey because the growth of a protagonist rising up to the antagonist is a character trait the romance leans on, but with no antagonist this goes out the window. So what kind of romance we left with? One entirely seperate from their dual-hero journey. This isnt a bad thing. If the basic requirement of being romantic in real life is the guy has to fight the big baddie than we are screwed as a species!

This leaves basic attraction and mutual understanding and interpersonal conflict. Only... this falls flat. Ive alteady explained this a bit but ill go further.

the two lack chemistry and conflict. Theh express seemingly no values beyond victimhood (warranted or not) and seem to grow closer for no reason. It is neither shown as attraction nor meaningful love because attraction requires at least one of the five senses and meaningful love requires learning more about a person by conflict and values. They get history of each other, but at worst its pity and victimhood and at best its cooperation for mutual goals from this history. They cant be attraction since there is none of the five senses shown as drawing them. Not sight or beauty as one is blind and the other doesnt express physical attraction. Not voice, which i would have thought been it for the blind MC but instead you get a guy who depends on hearing and a VERY QUIET MC. Almost making blindboy have two deficiencies from how quiet burnboy is. He doesnt sing or have a sexy voice or anything. And lets be real some guys have a sexy voice. Ive seen guys whose voice alone had me 1% questioning my sexuality lol! It cant be touch, though i would have thought possibly, since one never touches anyone for a reason. While it is used, it is used as more of an emotional/therapeutic device than an attraction one. It cant be smell, though genetics does often help with having compatible mates smell good, as it is never smell used. This leaves taste. Which, they do kiss, but this is putting the affects of attraction after the attraction itself. So there is no chemistry or attraction between them. Nor meaningful conflict to learn and be drawn together. I spent the story wondering when they would move on and find people to date they are attracted to or have chemistry with. The result is a hollow romance that feels forced. Id rather have characters that are drawn together than forced by the author. Just because you have a story with two characters in it doesnt mean by default that they will be a couple, nor should be. Its fine if they find other relationships and come back together as more grown up people, but so much of the story has been wasted i dint see how he can squeeze this in without rushing it to Hell suddenly.

i can tell what kind of story the author wants to make, and i like the potential, but its structure needs work.

Also their journey took them away from literal homophobia/Darwinism in their lives, but their quest to find a safe refuge feels half-assed when the place they choose is also homophobic and darwinistic. And they dont even react to that.

I enjoyed thomas for himself but what he brings is shallow. It had potential for drama between them and proper conflict and understanding. Instead it was Wasted potential. Especially as it was a monent for burnboy to possibly grow as he was the one suffering, instead he not only decides to back off, cementing himself to the friendzone but proves why the two MCs have no chemistry. Now no matter how hard the author tries any romance they have will be forced. It was hollow to begin with but now its set in stone. Nice as it was for blindboy to step up as he did, it is wasted potential for burnboy upon on constantly repeated narrative. Frankly its a tiring narrative as there has been no growth or change while the darwinism reflection of burnboy is just repeated chapter after chapter.

Ultimately 24 chapters in and the story seemingly is doing nothing and going nowhere. The original tension of the journey, the dangers, etc are doing nothing. There is no protagonists and their quest to fibd a refuge was half-assed to start with. The characters have no chemistry and not even enough backbone to have values enough for a meaningful conflict or growth so they go nowhere as individuals or as a couple. The scenes are just them hanging out in a room and kissing for anout 90% which isnt plot. This isnt even enough for a slice of life. There is so many words, so many scenes, yet no plot is utilized when started and nothing with substance happens. It feels like endless chapters of empty, hollow text. I couldnt care less if they got together or seperated, or even died at this point.

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