Nakedness Weaponized (Kill la Kill x OP!Male Reader)

Chapter 4: Being Early in All the Wrong Ways

(Y/N)'s Apartment, 7:30 a.m.

"JUST RING~♪ 36 24 36, HEY~♪ I LEAD A LIFE OF CRIIIIME~♪... DIRTY DEEDS, DONE DIRT CHEAP! DIRTY DEEDS, DONE DIRT CHEAP~♪"

SMASH!

(Y/N): Start the thread: Dimes 4 Crimes.

He yawned, finally awake after a good night's sleep. The day before had been a surprisingly good one. Two superpowered, extremely hot women in skimpy outfits beating the hell out of one another and a pleasant date with a basketball made for a killer combo.

Let it not be said, however, that courting a basketball was easy. You had to make conversation, dribble, and shoot hoops at the same time. 3-Pointers are the gold standard for those dates.

(Y/N): ...Bah.

He stared at the ceiling with a flat look, dismissing such thoughts. Then, a glare of pure disgust emerged in his glare.

(Y/N): Abominations, all of them. Why am I even bothering?

Shaking his head, he sought to clear his mind by getting ready for the day. He was somewhat able to calm the sudden burst of disgusted rage back into annoyance.

Then, he groaned when he heard the stringing of a ukelele coming from his cellphone. He knew who that generic tone belonged to all too well.

(Y/N): Hello, and thank you for calling "K.I.R.U. Warcrime Corps". To continue in English, press 1. To continue in Spanish, press 2. 

Doctor: *sarcastically* Surprise me.

(Y/N): Para asesinatos rapidos, presione 1. Para masacres tacticas, presione-

Doctor: *sarcastically* Backtrack and press 1.

(Y/N): You have been charged $500 for wasting time. For quick kills, press 1. For tactical massacres, press 2. For planet-scale genocide, press 3. For intimate purposes, press 4. For customer service, please hold the line.

He made a "Beeeeeeeeeeeeep" noise with a dry tone before once again bringing the phone to his ear.

(Y/N): Our client motto is: Speak to the client freely to develop trust. With that said: THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!

Doctor: Flawless customer service. Anyway, you've got business to take care of today.

(Y/N): Oh? Did you get my hit already? 

Doctor: Almost. Stand by for a few hours until we get confirmation. When we get the green light, you do your thing.

(Y/N): Bah. "Until we get confirmation", you always say. Why is this shit so complicated? "Hey, (Y/N), here's the thing you've gotta kill, go kill it." Is that really so hard?

Doctor: Whine all you want with the Ethics bureaucrats, we're doing it like usual.

(Y/N): *sarcastically* Whatever you say, mom.

Doctor: Report to the other idiots with the movie gig and stand by. Hell, see if you can gather some intel on the school while you're at it.

(Y/N): Hmph. This gig better be a good one.

Doctor: Can't promise you another Gulf Fiasco, but it's nothing to scoff at either. Over and out.

The call was over. He put on his jacket and moved to the entrance. Just as he was about the exit his apartment, he spotted himself in a mirror and shook his head again.

(Y/N): Just laugh at them. Better that than killing them outright.

Taking a deep breath, he forced the cheerful, mischievous, and upbeat smile he always held to emerge on his face.