Falling Like The Stars

01

She doesn't know I'm still alive.

It took me twenty cities and fifty apartments to finally settle here in Davao. I've searched for places, even secluded barrios, just to find security. But after realizing I could never find peace within myself, I stopped. All is done. Everything already happened. As much as I would want to turn back into time, I could never. My life was all normal and peaceful until it wasn't.

"Wanna grab some beer, Sher?"

Sher. I never thought I would consider using that name. I have a lengthy name, but I have always liked being called with catchy nickname. And Sher? It was supposed to be the last first name anyone would expect, but I live with it now.

I turned around and found the person I least expected to search for me. Mike, some guy I met here in Suazo. "Pass."

He looked at me with annoyance. "You speak as if it's the first time you'll bail out." I shrugged. "Really, Sher? Loosen up."

I watched him turned his back at me and stormed away from the rooftop. Mike's totally my type. If only he came first to my life, maybe I'll loosen up. But he wasn't.

The sky tonight was as pretty as I remembered them to be, with shiny, twinkling stars. It's a minute past twelve in the midnight, and it only meant that she's turning a year older again.

She still doesn't know I'm alive, and I don't intend to let her know otherwise. Yet it doesn't mean I don't miss her. I miss her a lot, and the only consolation I have is the thought that wherever she is right now, we're under the same sky. Probably missing each other.

I felt the vibrates of my phone and found Celia calling. I answered away.

"Hey."

"George's going to get herself killed one of these days, I swear."

I chuckled as I imagined Celia with her gritted teeth while keeping her voice low on the line. She's probably partying again but went out since there wasn't loud music in the background.

"Do you really have the audacity to laugh at these times?"

"Sorry, Cel. I can't just help myself imagining you there."

"Get your fucking ass here Catalina or I swear I'm going to drag you back."

Celia's the only person I trust my whole life to. We have been friends since time immemorial and the only person I consider as family. When I realized I survived the crash, she's the first person I called. She arranged my family's money and properties when my relatives fought over like lunatics when my parents and I were pronounced dead. She helped me get cash from the bank since I can't just show up unscathed. She made me realized that family transcends blood relation. I wouldn't be here without her.

I sighed. "Celia, you know I can't."

"Of course, you can. Everything's sorted out. The criminals were all rotting in jail. The fucking city's definitely far from peace but decently livable. We can hire guards, tons of them."

There was a long silence, and all I could hear was her breathing. "Please Kata...George, she's like my sister too...she's blaming herself, knocking on death's door every day. I can no longer watch her waste her life when I know..."

She didn't finish her sentence, but I already know.

Celia let's go home.

I froze. It's been years since the last time I heard her voice. They say the first thing you'll forget is their voice, then their face, then their touch, but never the way they made us feel. But not once in those years that I ever forgot everything about her.

Why are you in the fucking dark? Who are you talking to?

Stay out of this, George.

Who's Sher?

Fuck off, okay?

"I'll call you back." Celia's voice was stern, I couldn't speak back.

It was just a minute, but it was enough to turn my whole life around. Tears formed around my eyes. I looked up to stop them from falling.

Of course, I wanted to come back too. I want to reclaim the life the tragedy snatched away from me. I want to crawl my way back to George, to stay on her arms. I want to live again, but every time I try to, terror creeps in. I cannot forget. The loud explosion. The smell of gasoline. The big fire. My mom's blood all over my shirt. My dad's plea for me to run.

And although the therapy helped, the fear was still inside of me. Until now, it's haunting me.

I flinched when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Are you okay?" Worry was evident on Annika's face.

I felt a sense of relief upon confirming that it was someone I know. "Of course. I'm just startled."

"Why are you here? The party's so fun downstairs," she said as she pulled out a box of cigar from her jeans. "You don't mind, do you?"

I nodded then she lighted up the stick.

"So?"

"Huh?"

Annika chuckled. "You're cute when you're pretending you didn't hear just so you could avoid answering. So, who's the mystery caller?"

I rolled my eyes. "You're eavesdropping now, really?"

"See." Her tone sounded like she's trying to prove a point. "You're definitely hiding something. Why can't you just answer directly?"

Annika's been drinking when we got here two hours ago. It must be her thoughts until now. The booze was merely the accessory for her to finally say it on my face. She's the only person I could consider as a friend in this city. I met her the day I decided I'd settle in Davao. She's distrustful, but she trusts me her life. Guilt creeps on me whenever she's looking at me like she's now, with pang of hurt in her eyes.

"Sher, we've been friends for years. Aren't you going to trust me still?" 

I drew a deep breath, and when I thought I'd even consider answering her question, my tongue betrayed me. I can't speak.

Annika sighed, and there was a long silence after.

"Just a friend." Annika turned to me, startled when I answered. "Celia, my friend, called me to visit her."

Her lips formed a smile, but before I could tease her about it, she spoke.

"Are you going to visit her?"

"Honestly? I'm not sure. I'm weighing my options."

True. As much as I want to go back to where I used to be, a part of me is afraid there's nothing to salvage for. Everyone else moved on. I have moved on. And George? She's going to move on too. Maybe not now, but definitely.

"I've never seen you out of Davao," Annika said like a statement, "I mean, you've got this routine. Condo- Café Corazon- Suazo- Abreeza- Condo. I've never seen you in other places."

"I didn't like trying new things more so going to places I am not accustomed with."

False. I love and enjoy traveling. I was spontaneous and fun and want to discover everything. I was never adamant of change because the world is all but a series of change. But the tragedy...it changed me.

"Uh-huh, you looked like adventurous to me."

"You were saying?"

She shook her head. "Nothing."

I shrugged. Her words were faint that I almost missed them, but the fact is that her hunch was right.