The Psychology of Love

Chapter 45 Defense Mechanisms

Again and again.

Intoxicated by his memories, he surrendered.

Rang for composure. For control.

Lost every fight and sought release from the delusion on his body.

The madness of love.

The attraction.

The displacement.

Sam straightens suddenly, slapping gently against his glowing cheeks.

Calm down. Calm down.

I'll see him again in a moment. He is not merely an object of lust. Don't reduce him to just that.

He is much more.

He is everything.

Everything.

Today you get to enjoy his sharp mind.

Today we work together.

Today you listen to his thoughts.

Today is the beginning of a time of research together.

Today.

Meanwhile, YU sits in the old, imposing Humboldt Library, staring excitedly at his books in the respectful silence.

Surrounded by bookshelves reaching into the sky, filled with the ancient and new treasures of human knowledge, enveloped in the mystical atmosphere of the towering works, he sits in front of his books and thinks of Sam.

He promised him.

He did promise him.

Yesterday he distracted himself all day with the lectures.

Even visited Professor Österreich in his office after the lecture and had tea with him.

YU smiles as he remembers how Professor Österreich could not suppress a short cry when he opened the knocking door.

He was really happy to see YU.

And YU enjoyed the hour with him in his office.

They talked about the psychological causes of xenophobia.

One can find a cause for it all over the world at any moment in life.

And YU enjoyed the remarks of his professor, who vehemently resented this human fear and wished for more free thinkers.

An appeal.

To free oneself.

To not be led by one's fears.

To reflect on oneself.

And YU listened to his remarks and admitted to himself that he is also afraid.

Afraid to enter his apartment again after that day.

To go into his kitchen. To open the drawer. To hold the card from Dr. Lambe in his hand.

And he admitted to himself that he is afraid to contact her.

He doesn't want to open up to anyone.

Only Sam. Only Sam is supposed to see him.

Only Sam shall visit him in the shadow of himself. To stay with him.

He is afraid.

Of the world outside the shadow.

An abstract fear that wouldn't let him drive home yesterday.