good things fall apart • sirius black

Jealous

Though, in all honesty, the rest of the Marauders were all on Ellie's side with this too and didn't really have any desire to indulge Sirius in conversation, because he wasn't really any more pleasant to them than he was to the beautiful girl. Edgy and obsessive about things, or completely distant, Sirius was inadvertently pushing himself out of their friendship group.

Yet, the handsome boy was far too busy worrying about other things to notice this. In particular, the way he could hear Ellie and Remus muttering constantly on the table behind his and Peter's all throughout Transfiguration. James was near the front of the classroom, sat as close to the edge of his desk as possible as he angled his chair away from Lily - sitting next to her at the beginning of the year had definitely backfired now that the red head had a date planned with Amos Diggory. He kept turning around to shoot desperate looks at his friends as Professor McGonagall lectured, but not even this was enough to distract Sirius from trying to eavesdrop.

In any normal circumstance, he would've been trying to hold in his laughter at James' pained expression and awkward posture, but instead, he kept asking Peter to stop writing so that his quill scratching on his parchment wasn't a distraction. Sirius was desperate to know what Ellie and Remus were discussing so furiously, when the latter usually made silent notes through teaching.

Impatience getting the better of him, as soon as McGonagall set them off on practical skills, he was spun around in his seat with a scowl.

    "Have you and Moony snogged?" Sirius almost shouted, his stormy gaze fixed on Ellie alone. Thankfully, the class had erupted into chatter which saved him the embarrassment of having his desperate tone heard by all.

    "What?" She replied, having missed his outburst.

Remus, however, hadn't. If Sirius hadn't been so intent on watching Ellie for a reaction, he would've seen the cocky grin that tugged up the corners of his lips, or the way he sat back in his chair with an air of casual confidence - there was something satisfying in knowing that a comment he made in passing had been mulling in the handsome boy's mind. Driving him crazy, Remus hoped.

    "Have you and Moony snogged?" Sirius repeated even more impatiently, hoping for her to turn her nose up in disgust.

But Ellie just smirked instead.

    "Maybe once..." She shrugged, casting sidewards glances at Remus who only mirrored her expression.

    "Why are you smiling like that?" Sirius demanded, "What? Do you fancy him now?"

Rolling his eyes, Remus sighed and sat forward to rest on the desk again, resisting the urge to wind Sirius up with this. He deserved to feel as confused and as messed with as Ellie felt, but Remus didn't want to start another argument.

    "Padfoot, come on. We literally talked about this-" He began instead, only to be cut off.

    "No, you shut up!" Sirius spat, looking Remus in the eye for the first time, "You said you'd snog her again, so how do I know you don't fancy her back?"

His anger was very much a jealously. A jealously that he didn't deserve to feel when he wasn't in a relationship with Ellie, when he supposedly had a girlfriend of his own. But a jealousy he felt all the same. No matter how fiercely he lectured himself, or how strongly he denied it, his feelings wouldn't just be set aside. Sirius could pretend that he didn't care for Ellie as he did before summer, but that was purely another mask that he was well accustomed to wearing. Underneath all of that, the only thing he longed for was to be with the beautiful girl, but now that was lost somewhere deep.

Swarmed in denial, buried by disbelief, and hindered in every way by emotional immaturity. The handsome boy himself had been the one that had ruined his chances.