good things fall apart • sirius black

Him or her?

    "Snogging Jennifer Beadles wasn't. You made that decision, Julie what's-her-face got involved somehow, your girlfriend at the time found out, and you suffered the consequences."

    "No, you suffered the consequences, Cubs." James cut in, "And you've hated her ever since."

    "Well, I don't hate her now. End of."

    "Utter bullshit and you know it." Sirius scoffed.

Ellie was on her feet in seconds.

    "Just 'cause her storming into our Ancient Runes class bruised your ego." She hissed, "Why does it bother you anyway? You've got sweet beautiful Flora now, and in case you haven't noticed, we all hate her and yet we don't complain when you want her around."

Sirius tensed at the name of his supposed girlfriend, all colour draining from his features. Flora was neither sweet, nor even beautiful in his eyes. She hadn't ever really been from the start, but she'd been a good distraction as he buried his feelings for Ellie instead.

Now though, he'd landed himself in hot water, stuck in a compromised position with the fifth year that he didn't know how to talk about to his friends. It hadn't even been twenty four hours since she'd pinned him down in the Quidditch changing rooms and stuck her hand in his boxers, and every time he shut his eyes, the memory resurfaced in his mind. As ever, Sirius was suffering silently in fear of what his friends might say, and he wouldn't have his relationship with Flora thrown in his face when it really wasn't as it seemed.

    "Fuck off." Sirius spat.

The whole dorm room seemed to fall silent for a moment. Peter let out a high-pitched squeak before clapping a hand over his mouth, and Ellie's eyes about bulged out of their sockets.

    "Excuse me?" She spluttered.

    "I said fuck off." Sirius couldn't calm down, and he did what he always did when he was backed into a corner - fought back, "Honestly, Cubs, you just sound jealous."

    "I am not-"

    "Allez-y, just admit that you're jealous that I'm snogging someone that's not you." Everyone was completely lost for words, "That I'm in a relationship now with someone else 'cause you fucked off over summer."

    "Seriously?" Ellie scoffed.

    "I'm always Sirius, beautiful."

Ellie's features set cold, that unfamiliar girl that he'd argued with after Quidditch yesterday returning.

    "Then go and snog her. Snog the fuck out of her, Padfoot, and make your point." She spat viciously, "I'll still be friends with Jessica Arnell by the end of it."

    "I hate you sometimes. I really do."

Only once the words had slipped out did Sirius know he'd done wrong.

It wasn't until that point that he could see just how out of hand their words had become, how he'd blindly wound her up without a care for the consequence. But now he was seeing the consequence, the way tears welled in the corners of her eyes. The girl who didn't cry anymore. Sirius watched her put up wall after wall, her eyes becoming dimmer by the second as she stood there staring at him silently. Regardless of what he said about his feelings for her, he wasn't stupid enough to not recognise that she clearly felt the same way for him that she always had. But in that moment, it was like he watched her throw it all away, and Sirius hated the way that panicked him so much.

    "Good to know." Ellie nodded steadily.

    "Cubby, I-" Sirius began desperately, swivelling on his bed to face her properly as he pled with his eyes, but she wouldn't listen now.