jealousy

i still remember that night, running through the woods with police sirens going off in the distance and blood all down my white shirt, though, after all, red always was your favourite colour. i guess this doesnt make a whole lot of sense at the moment so, let me back track a little.

his eyes, his smile, his laugh, the way he would get so mad when i called him cute, but how could i not, if you heard his little giggle and the way he gets so exited over things you would understand, its so adorable, i loved him more than anything, maybe a little too much but we never thought much of that. we did the usual couple things you know like we got matcing stuff and watched movies, stayed up so late talking to eachother that we woud sleep through most o the following day. i miss those days, back when everything was so simple, although we were long distance, that didnt stop us loving eachother with our whole hearts, we couldnt wait to meet, we talked about it all the time, about how we couldnt wait to just cuddle while watching a movie instead of texting about cuddling the whole time.

i miss back when everthing was so simple, when we talked every day and had little dumb arguments, just, normal couple stuff you know? well, i guess thats gone now, why couldn't i just suppress the feelings, ive done it a 1000 times before, why was this time so diffrent, well i still dont really know, i guess i just finally got pushed over the edge. again, i know your probably so confused on what im talking about, about what im regretting and why things arent still like this, well it all started with one simple conversation..

we were on the phone, it was late in the evening but because of time zones, he was about 5 hours behind me, we were just talking and messing around like we always did, nothing unusual, we were talking about how i turned 18 a few days ago and would hopefully be flying over to see him soon, well that aged well didnt it. now comes the one sentance that started this whole thing, mind you it wasnt his fault, we had had conversations like this many times before, it never really went well but it was never anything nearly as bad as what went down that week. your probably wondering what the sentance was, well "i just got asked out-" now i know what your thinking "thats not all that bad he can just say no and you can both move on" ye well thats the thing about jealousy issues, its not that simple.

well, i asked who by, and i heard the one name i was dreading to hear, his best friend, he talked about this guy a lot and mind you i hadn't liked him from the start out of fear that they would end up dating, i'd always been reassured that that would never happen and that his friend didn't even like him like that and he didn't like his friend like that either. in my head i wanted to say "say no and drop him then." but i knew that was too far, too much to ask, i know ive been put in that same position in the past and i'd never want to put him through feeling what i felt back then. so instead i said "what are you gonna say?" he replied with "i just said "no you know i have a boyfriend"", it was a good response, killed me inside that i knew they would stay friends after this, the moment this guy started calling him pet names i knew this would happen. i hated that more than anything, only i should be able to call him those things like the fuck- anyways well, i know this still doesn't explain what i was talking about at the start so let me get into what happened after that phone call ended.

well what was the first thing i did you might ask, look up plane tickets, thats what. i found the next available flight and booked it for the next morning, i packed a suit case of bare essentials and then couldn't sleep at all that night, i was so pissed at just the thought of his best friend getting to see him every day and now knowing for sure that he liked him, god it just boiled my fucking blood i swear to god i wanted nothing more than for this all to be a dream, but it wasn't. i stayed awake all night that night just running over scenarios in my head, finally after what felt like years, it was the next day, i grabbed my bag and called a texi to the airport, i turned off my location so he wouldn't know i was coming and i got on my flight. airports used to be my happy place, something about all the people going on holidays was just so soothing to me, plus i loved to travel so, i dont know i just loved airports so much, but this time it all felt different, my head was spinning and i felt like i was going to throw up. eventually i got on my flight and fell asleep on the plane, i had never travelled by myself before, but i wasn't worried like i thought i would be, i guess i didn't have time to be considering what i was doing. i landed and got off the plane, then drove all the way to his house, i still had his loaction so it wasnt hard to find, i knocked on the door and when i tell you i've never seen someone look so shocked and happy at the same time, i mean it. he hugged me so tight i almost felt bad for what i was really here for. he let me in and we set up an airbed so i could stay at his house, then after a long evening of cuddling, kissing and watching movies like we had always planned to do together, he fell asleep in my arms.

i slowly got up, laying him down and leaving him asleep on the sofa as i covered him with a blanket and went to search his kitchen, eventually i opened a drawer and found what i was looking for, a butchers knife, why he had one lying around i will never know but anyways, i took the knife and shoved it in my backpack and made my way out the door making sure to kiss him goodbye on the forhead. i knew where his friend lived. dont ask why. i walked for miles before i finally made it. i knew if you went through the back allyway it would lead to a small window which he always had open, i knew this because of the amount of stories my boyfriend had told me about how cool it was that his friend would sneak out this way. well i climbed in through that window, landing on the soft carpet floor, all the lights were off, no surprise considering it was 1am. i slowly traced my way up the stairs and walked down the landing, it felt so long, i quietly opened the bedroom door before walking up and hovering over the bed, i pulled out the knife and without taking a single second to debate it, i shoved it hard down onto his chest, he woke up screaming as i continued to repeatedly puncture his lungs, hearing his cries for help and panicked struggles for breath as he began to cough up his own blood before finally his lifeless body layed there with blood pooling from his chest and his mouth. i then stabbed his already dead body multiple more times before i was satisfied. once it was all over and the adrenaline was gone, i started to realise what i had just done, i panicked for a moment but realised i had to get my shit together and do something about this.

i ran down to the closest shop and bought a shit tone of bleach and poured it all into his bathtub before putting the knife inside of it, i then got a load of binbags and bagan to decapitate him and dismember his body. inside i was still panicking so much i wasnt even bothered by the blood which i would normally be afraid of. well anyways- after i had all of this body in binbags, i put the sheets in with the knife and poured bleech over the floor and the bed and scrubbed it like there was no fucking tomorrow. i eventually packed up the knife and put the sheets back on after letting them dry and drained the bath after also scrubbing that down. i found a large duffle bag sort of thing which was a gym bag i think, i dont really know, i wasnt really looking, anyways, i put all the binbags inside and carried it down stairs before calling for a taxi and paying the man everything i had on me to let me borrow the car, im surprised he let me to be honest but i got lucky i suppose. well i put the bag in the back seat and drove out of town and to a countryside pig farm. now i know i probably already sound crazy and this probably isnt helping- but i jumped the gate and found the pig sty. i emptied the bags and the pigs devoured the body like it was nothing. honestly i kind of enjoyed watching it happen, anyways i grabbed the bags and thankfully there were no security cameras as far as i could see, so i got back in the car and drove and dropped the bags off at a local tip so no one would find them. i ditched the car on the side of the road after using the wipes i found in my backpack to wipe down anything i had touched so there was no trace of my finger prints in the car, i really hadn't thought any of this through which you can probably already tell but anyways, i know your still most likely wondering how i got into the situation i described at the start, well, since i didnt really plan ahead, i failed to realise that the texi ownder could call the police, they were looking for the car, i heard sirens in the distance as they had followed road security cameras, i ran into the woods with dried blood still all over me.

i got to see how people say jealousy gets the best of you sometimes now. god why couldn't i just be normal for fuck sake. i've fucked everything up, all i knew to do was run and just keep running, so thats what i did. i ran through the woods, police sirens going off in the distance and blood covering my white shirt. red always was his favurite colour, our favourite things just take an ugly spin sometimes i suppose..